I really wonder if I will ever feel sexually satisfied anymore.
Its been 2.5 years after we met – we got married 1 year ago — it all went down hill and I cannot get it back. This has been this way since when we got married — almost exactly to the day. We are/were very sexual people and sex was a big, fun, deal in the beginning —- then, something changed.
I have done all that I can to try to understand why/how my relationship to sex COMPLETELY changed when I got married……..my husband said his did too – but he got "over it" after a while and says he is happy with our sex life – and our marriage in general with minor issues which he has faith we will work out.
I am not happy with my sex life AT ALL. I vascilate between two extremes —-
a. I either have so much anxiety that I cannot get horny at all when it comes down to "the moment"
b. I WANT to get horny but I feel like I need more help than I used to — and he isn’t giving me what I need.
I have tried everything, read books, etc. — I am not on any hormonal contraceptives, I am 35, no issues — healthy, etc.
. My kind and wonderful husband — told me politely that at this point he is so frustrated that he loves me and is tired of hearing about my issues and basically doesn’t mind masturbating alone until I figure it out.
I dont’ think he understands that HE is 1/2 the problem.
I feel like when he is with me — that he is disconnected and passionless. I feel like he will perform foreplayish things if I ask — but otherwise would rather just "stick in in".
I honestly dont’ feel like the man even WANTS to touch my breasts. And when he does — I feel now that it is totally obligatory, like he is goign down a checklist of things to do. I dont’ feel like he really enjoys my body. I have told him this — he denies it — and tells me he has no idea what else to say/do to convince me….
I frankly MISS feeling like a sex object to someone. I miss feeling like someone wants to rip my clothes off and ravage me. I feel almost like why do I want to ask for him to touch me if I honestly dont’ feel like he wants it? I feel like the only way I can have sex with my husband successfully — and really feel horny is if I watch porn or read erotic stories BEFOREHAND and then just time it when he gets home.
Is this an intimacy issue? Is it me? Is it in my head? Please someone help me — I love this man, but I have to figure this out.
Advice — help? thank you so much in advance.
I think its normal actually. Men reach their sexual peak a long time before women do. In their 20’s. While women are much later on. It sounds like he wants to work with you so maybe you should try new things to the two of you. Make him feel the need to ravage you. Sexy lingerie, toys, romantic dinners. Granted he could do his share of coming up with new ideas also. There is a lot of good info out there on renewing the ravages your looking for if you look.