I Know This Seems Silly To Ask On A Website Like This, But I Really Need Some Advice And Can’t Really Talk To Anyone About This. In November 2010, I Started Talking To A Guy In My Town. He’s Almost 32 And I’m Almost 20. We Had Many Dates And They Was All Enjoyable And Very Great. He Would Always Treat Me So Special, Open Doors, In The Mall He Acted Like Me And Him Was The Only 2 In Existence, Just A Real Sweetie. After A About 5-6 Dates He Told Me He Loved Me. In The Beginning, I Told Him I Wanted To Be Friends But As Time Progressed I Started Gaining Real Feelings For Him. We Still Talk But We Haven’t Went Out Since Christmas, Which He Does Work 12 Hours Everyday And I Go To School. He Has Told Me He Loves Me.. Again, But I’m Not So Sure. I’ve Never Been In A Relationship With A Man His Age And I Don’t Think I’ve Ever Been In Love.. But I Can’t Get This Man Out Of My Head. I’ve Tried To Explain To Him How I Feel Via Text, But It Just Doesn’t Come Out Right. I Feel That It’s Best To Just Put My Feelings Aside And Move On, But I Cannot Stop Thinking About Him. I Don’t Know What Else To Do.
More Info: Since We Was Never Actually Dating, Me And Him Kept It Honest. I Told Him That I Had Slept With 1 Guy Since We Had Been Talking, And He Told Me He Had Been Spending Time With Another Girl In Jan. 2011, And I Was A Little Childish And Got A Little Upset, And He Then Quit. I Don’t Honestly Know If He’s Seeing Someone Right Now Or Not.. We Haven’t Spoke About That, But Since We Haven’t Been Out I Feel That He Has. I Haven’t Moved On Yet, Which I Do Speak With Other Guys, But He Never Seems To Leave My Mind. I Feel Obsessed And I’ve Tried Everything I Can To Forget Him. These Feelings Are Not Infatuation, Nor Lust.. I Feel Like I May Really Love Him, Maybe Not Truly In Love Because It’s So Soon, But I Do Love This Man. I Know He Did Mention Me Being So Young, Maybe That Could Be The Problem? Idk, I Just Need Some Advice Because I Feel SO Stupid!
Please, Don’t Say Anything Smart. You Do Not Have To Respond To My Question, But All Serious Advice Would Be Appreciated.
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and have weighed this situation in your head.
I think that you should ask him out for coffee [not dinner or a movie]. I believe that he wanted a relationship with you, but because of your lack of response to his "I Love You", he continued to date to protect his heart. Go to coffee with him, sit down and tell him how you feel about him. Let him know that you enjoy the time that you spend together and miss him when your apart. See what he has to say. If he responds by saying that he loves you, ask him if he is thinking that he would like to have an exclusive dating relationship with you to see where this may go. If he says "YES" then ask him to make the commitment to you – to ask you to be his lady ‘exclusively’ in a real relationship. If he says nothing, then its time to move on. If he hems and haws, then it’s time for you to move on [don’t push it just – move on with your life]. If he says that he has been seeing someone else and wants to let her go and build something with you, tell him to close that chapter quickly [never ask for details or questions cuz he is single] and to make the move to a commitment with you. If he agrees, give him 1-2 weeks [max] to close the loop with whomever he was seeing [let him know that you will only wait a wk or 2 for him to close that chapter]. You can’t get mad since you were not in a committed relationship with him. If after 2 wks he hasn’t committed, then move on.
As for the age things, here is a little tip. When we women are young, we let our emotions rule us and we lash out without thinking things through. Handling our emotions comes with age and usually we have it under control by our mid thirties. Until then they can rule & unfortunately ruin things if we don’t watch out. In the future, if something with him or other people bothers you and your emotions rise, calm yourself down and wait til your alone to deal with yourself [often our emotions make us irrational and we need to learn to deal with our emotions to better deal with the situation]. When you are alone, get a sheet of paper and write out all of the facts. Not what your brain is saying, not what your friends are saying. Write out all the facts and examine them. Never ever respond to a situation when you are in anger – ya can’t take that back hurtful words even when you say "I’m sorry". Never ever send an email or text when you are angry. If you must, ‘hand write’ your angry letter and sleep with it under your pillow. Wait 24-48 hours re-read the letter then throw it away. Make a personal rule that you will NEVER send an email, text, leave a mean voicemail, curse someone out or delete stuff for 10 days after the initial thing that upset you occurs. Wait 10 days to make any kind of response. This seems crazy – YES – but you avoid a lot of antics that occur due to emotions which always get us in trouble. You avoid making mistakes that can’t be taken back. If your in the midst of something that makes you angry remove yourself and calm allll the way down.
Hope this helped some.