my boyfriend and i have been dating since freshman year of high school (over 5 years). he proposed to me in my senior year, but the wedding was pushed back because of college. i am now a sophomore in theatre college, living approximately 400 miles away from him. however, we were fine up until this point.
on st. patty’s day this year, we had a big fight. he said he wanted some time off, because he said his feelings, although still romantic, had changed. he said i had changed and i wasn’t playful/sexual anymore with him. he made it clear that he was giving the most to the relationship (which is true), and that i should try to see things from his point of view. i talked him out of taking the break, and promised to help fix things. so we were ok.
however, he started acting really strange. he didn’t seem to want to talk to me, he stopped responding to my emails, and even when i started trying to plan a wedding with him, he seemed uninterested.
he broke up with me two days ago. he wasn’t very clear why. it started because i brought up his strange behavior. i asked why he was being so distant. that’s when he told me he really needed some time off. he said he wanted something more stable… and i’m not stable because i’m an actress and acting for a living can be spastic he said he didn’t know whether a relationship with me was what he wanted. so… i’m now single.
i told him not to talk to me unless two things happened: 1) he found someone else and i need to move on, or 2) he changed his mind and wants to be with me. he sent me an IM last night asking me if i was OK. we talked for a bit, and he said he still loves me and is in love with me, but he doesn’t know what he wants in his future. he said he sees a romantic future with me, but he’s not sure that’s what he wants right now. so he’s still considering "us" but wants to weigh his options.
i’m really hoping he changes his mind. but what do you think is going on inside his mind? is it just the distance that’s killing us? has he found someone new? has he fallen out of love with me? do i need to change?
i know it may irritate/confuse a lot of people, but i’m just going to say this: he means so much to me, that i would quit school, quit acting, and come home right now if it meant saving our relationship. i would change myself to be with him. maybe that makes him unworthy of my attention, but that’s OK with me. i love this man so much. he is more than half of me. i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’m so shocked and confused, b/c this really came out of nowhere, and i’m hoping to find that magic key that will fix things. i’ve already gone through the stages of grief and denial, and i know i’m still influenced by my emotions. but i’m really in love with him, and i know in my soul that he is what i want and need. so please, PLEASE, don’t lecture me on having respect for myself and "you don’t need a man to be happy." he is what i want, and that’s not going away. please just help me figure out what is motivating his behavior.
thank you, and sorry for the novel.
Don’t really have a lot of idea’s on this one…. Maybe its because you live 400 miles away. Did you visit him often? Maybe he missed you, but he couldn’t bear it, so he broke things off with you in an attempt to stop missing you; in a way of just sealing you off. Try visiting him, and actually TALKING physically…. IM and facebook chat are NOT good for this type of thing. You and him need to see face to face to try and sort out the problem. If you can’t visit him, at least use skype.
Hope I helped… Best of luck with your situation