I am 25 years old. When I was 21 I fell in love for the first time. The moment I saw the guy I was instantly attracted and fell more and more in love with him everyday. Whenever I saw him I felt like my heart would burst from chest with love. He loved me back too. It was a short relationship, only around 6 months and I have dated guys since but never felt a fraction of what I felt for him.
Anyway, without going into the details he broke my heart when we broke up when I was 22 and we don’t speak anymore. I cried everyday for months. Sometimes I think I still love him but I know we can never be together again.
The reason for this post is because I want some advice about what to do with old pictures of him. I am no longer his friend on facebook but we are both still tagged in pictures of the two of us cuddling etc. I kept them because he meant so much to me. But i cant deny that even three years later its still hurts when I look at them. Maybe because I don’t think ill ever love another man that much again. Should I get rid of/detag them?

i think you should still keep them. Because for NOW, it’ll hurt, but after like 5 years, when you revisit the pic, it’ll just be a good memory

I am 25 years old. When I was 21 I fell in love for the first time. The moment I saw the guy I was instantly attracted and fell more and more in love with him everyday. Whenever I saw him I felt like my heart would burst from chest with love. He loved me back too. It was a short relationship, only around 6 months and I have dated guys since but never felt a fraction of what I felt for him.
Anyway, without going into the details he broke my heart when we broke up when I was 22 and we don’t speak anymore. I cried everyday for months. Sometimes I think I still love him but I know we can never be together again.
The reason for this post is because I want some advice about what to do with old pictures of him. I am no longer his friend on facebook but we are both still tagged in pictures of the two of us cuddling etc. I kept them because he meant so much to me. But i cant deny that even three years later its still hurts when I look at them. Maybe because I don’t think ill ever love another man that much again. Should I get rid of/detag them?

Detag them. Having them always readily available to look at, is like torturing yourself.

Its long, sorry…

Some background information:
I’m 35, she’s 28. She has 3 kids that aren’t mine. We’ve been dating for 2 months… we broke up once for 2 days until i called her and we got back together… we both said we were miserable and couldn’t live without the other.
* we fell in love fast, too fast… less than a week.
* she’s already stated that she wants to marry me
* she thinks I’m perfect and ask me what’s the catch… she knows im not perfect but says perfect for her
* she is an ex stripper, dislikes her dad (issues there i know!) hates men? but loves me huh?
*she doesn’t work and stays up all night… i work full time construction and get up at 6 everyday… ive spent many sleepless nights catering to her needs
* she’s bi polar and also takes adderal. Her moods are insane and i really cannot handle the swings.
*basically i walk on eggshells for her because im an alpha male and any dominance out of me just ticks her off… she wants to be the boss (FRICTION)… i want a partnership
* i have given her all my heart, all my time, attention, she does not return the same… not even close
** the kicker here is she claims to be honest and that is her biggest quality… but she talks a good game and doesn’t back it up with action.
* she doesn’t cheat but she has like 2 ex husbands and a few ex boyfriends that she likes to hang on to… ya know in case she needs to call one up later if her current boyfriend don’t work out.
* she talks to an ex on facebook everyday which i find annoying because i don’t even talk to her everyday. he lied to her, so she wants nothing to do relationship-wise with him, but she’s still friends????
* she thinks we were meant to be, soulmates, she thinks we are the same person, we think alike.
*she so shifty and goes from wanting to marry me one day to not talking to me for the next 3 days and avoiding me

MY QUESTION IS…. WHY SHOULD I STAY WITH HER OR LEAVE HER ALL BECAUSE OF LOVE.?

.. SHE MAKES ME FEEL SO BAD ALMOST DAILY. SHE MAKES ME FEEL REALLY GOOD… BUT ALMOST NEVER.

I LOVE HER BUT I THINK AND ALL MY FRIENDS THINK I SHOULD LET HER GO. WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS IT POSSIBLE FOR HER TO ACTUALLY BE HONEST AND LOVE ME AS MUCH AS SHE SAYS SHE DOES AND HER ACTIONS PROVE OTHERWISE ?- SHE SAYS SHE HAS A HARD TIME EXPRESSING HER FEELINGS.

I’M LOST AND NEED ADVICE. EVERYTHING TELLS ME TO LET HER GO BUT THEN I THINK IF I WERE TO SET HER STRAIGHT AND IF SHE REALLY DID LOVE ME THAT MUCH IT WOULD BE WORTH IT.

SHE SAYS IF SHE LOST ME SHE WOULD BE DEVASTATED.

I’M SUPPOSEDLY THE BEST MAN SHE’S EVER MET……. AND THE ONE THAT MADE HER CHANGE FROM HER COLD SIDE THAT HAD NO FEELINGS FOR ANYONE TO HER LOVING SIDE.

SHE SAYS I AM THE ONE… SHE WRITES BLOGS ABOUT IT AND SAYS HOW GREAT I AM BUT TREATS ME LIKE CRAP ANYWAY.

SHE IS ALSO VERY REVENGEFUL AND SHE SEEMS TO ACCUSE ME OF EVERYTHING SHE DOES. OH YEAH AND SHE IS NEVER WRONG – SHE DOESN’T THINK SHE HAS DONE ANYTHING WRONG EVER IN THIS RELATIONSHIP… ITS ALL MY FAULT. I ADMIT TO HER THAT I MAKE MISTAKES AND AM NOT PERFECT, I EVEN ADMIT IT WAS MY FAULT WHEN SHE COMES AFTER ME STARTING STUFF… JUST TO END IT.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE.

I feel i have enogh evidence that if she is full of it… i wont be hurt if it dont work out because it wont be a surprise at all… she’s left ne a billion clues and i picked up on them all. BUT WHAT IF? WHAT IF SHE IS MY ONE TRUE LOVE? I WANT TO FIND OUT. I AM AFRAID TO LET HER GO AND NEVER FIND OUT. 2 MONTHS SHE’S STILL IN TESTING ME PHASE… MAYBE SHE’LL STOP AND SETTLE DOWN WITH ME… NO?

okay i can relate to this in one way or another.iv been with a guy for 3 years now and we have a son together im only 18 got preg at 16. just throwen that in there to explain im not old and wize. but ill tell you what 3 whole years and he cheated the 1st two and lied and probably still is. deff still lieing bout major things. he was like it in the beginning and is like it and its beginning to be the end and is still like that. ill will give him this hes VERY SLOWLY CHANGED and i mean so slowly it makes me sick. but let me explain what im saying…

If you think that you love her…or have any obligations to be with her… do it.try it? mine was pregnancy. the first 2 months for me was a breeze cuz i didnt know shit. then i slowly found out things. just like you might. and when i did i wated too long to be able to leave him. i loved him and he was gooing crazy if i mentioned it. he also blamed me for everything that he was doing and went therw periods of talking to me and periods of not. the times he wasnt was the times he was cheating. i put up with all of this and im miserable now. i cant even look at him without thinking about it. dont let it get to that . my beginning was 3 months the beginning of me realising all of this …. and let me just say it wont get better anytime soon. theres other people out there. www.plentyoffish.com whatever lol. but PLEASE dont take the shit i took or you willhave to take it forever. when she says she loves you and all this stuff she might she does in some way but obviously have some commitment problems and ex relationship problems she has to get over in order to show you that love and it might take 3 f****** years for that to happen and she still might be messing up and by that time u may have lost all ur trust in her and dont even want to be with her anymore cuz you cant be happy.

[[ sorry its the only way i can relate.]]

DONT WASTE YOUR TIME UNLESS YOU HAVE TIME TO WASTE.
ur 38 years old… your peobably wanting to settle down. so think to you want to settle down with someone you may never be absoultly happy with and spend 3 years showing them that you need to be loved or spend 3 years looking for someone whos willing to be as great or a girlfriend as you are a boyfriend and be happy forever.

allthough the obsticles make you stronger… they also make your trust in the one making them weaker.

i dont want to tell you to LEAVE her but i dont want to tell you to waste your time away

try telling her ..

your going to leave her if she dont treat u better [ or strighten up her act ] tell her even thow she says she loves you she is not proving it. tell her if shes not serious not to waste your time and break your heart. maybe try splitting up for longer and see if she changes the next tim if u have a next time of getting back together.

try 3 strikes your out.

dont waste your time.

I’ve gone out w/ a man 6 times, in the past month and half. We have a ton in common and it seemed we both realized we were a good fit for eachother. That is until a couple wks ago, after one of our best dates, he sent me a text a few days later, asking what I was up to, we were both not doing anything, but he never asked me out. I didn’t hear from him for 5 days after that until I reached out via text, and he ended up asking me out for the next day. Date was good, then he texted me that night and the next day a cute text but then nothing until I reached out 4 days later. He eventually asked me out for that night, but it was last min. and I suggested the next day instead, he said might work. But I didn’t hear from him till 430p that day and so I just didn’t respond b.c. He didn’t make much of an effort. I haven’t heard from him in a few days. What’s going on? Did he lose interest? He would text sweet things after our last dates, so I’m confused. I decided just to wait and see if he reaches out.

Sorry, but it sounds like he is not that into you like he was in the beginning. Sounds like he has taken a step back.

Ok here’s the situation. I’m 26 years old and engaged to a man who’s been my best friend since we were dorky 15 year olds. So needless to say I deeply love and respect this man. However, about a year ago, he finally introduced me to his older best friend "John." They are practically like brothers. But from the moment I met his friend "John", we clicked instantly, and I fell for him in a way I’ve never fallen for anyone. I love my fiance but we have almost completely opposite personalities. Meanwhile me and his best friend John are so much alike it’s almost scary. He’s truly everything I never thought I’d find in a person. Now I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I just want to call off my engagement, because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with one man but be in love with another. On the other hand, I don’t want to mess up what would be a life-long union just because I have the hots for the best man. Do I leave, or do I get over this, grow up, and marry the man I’ve chosen?
I’d like to thank everyone for their well wishes and taking out time to help me with this problem. All your responses have made me realize that there are no short-term "quickie" answers, but that I will need real time to myself to figure out what I want, before going through with something as serious as marriage. For the record, I’ve never told John how I feel, because I’m really not interested in wrecking a friendship. So I have no idea if the feeling is mutual. I remember once he said that if my fiance ever got hit by a bus, he would snatch me up. But he said it in a joking way, so I didn’t allow myself to take it seriously. Either way, I plan to take your suggestions and take some time out to really listen to my heart, and think about what I want my future to be. Thank you so much everyone!

Ah…Tough question.

Well, as many people would tell you, you need to follow your heart, or else you’ll never really be happy with your life. But as we all know, life can be frought with decisions that, if made rashly, can cost us alot. The best I can do is take you through some steps to evaluate the options and figure out what you might want to do.

The first thing to do is evaluate your relationship with your longrtime friend and fiancee. Has he always ben there for you? Does he know what you like to do and do it even if he doesn’t want to? Is his goal in the relationship to make you truly happy as well as himself? These are the makings of a great relationship. And with the fact that you’ve known him for 11 years, you know most of his secrets and his background. This may make him seem like the prime choice for this decision, but you always ask yourself "Is he really?" This is a toughie. You mentioned that he’s got a completely opposite personality, does this mean you and he have completely different likes and dislikes? And what happens when those likes and dislikes surface within your relationship? Does it cause problems? If it does, this may be more than a "blip" you have to smooth over before marriage. It may truly get to be a problem later on down the line. One of the problems I hear alot is "I love someone else, but I’ve been with this one forever, I don’t know anything else" and that, to me, sounds like obligation. And obligation should never be forced upon someone in a relationship (unless it’s not cheating on the other person, or telling them the trueh, etc.). If you love your first guy, and know he’ll always be there for you, regardless then he’s most likely the one to trust to make a good relationship. But if the relationship seems to be stagnating, the dislikes are overtaking the likes, and you just feel like you have to keep the purchase you seem to have bought 11 years ago, you may need to re-evaluate it.

Now onto "John". The first thing you need to realize is that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", meaning that something that you can’t have (albeit the same) is always more alluring BECAUSE it’s forbidden. Though, there are times when a better thing comes along. But always do your research. The first thing to ask yourself about John, is even though you think you know him, do you REALLY?You say you only met him a year ago. But what about 10 years before that? You know your fiancee for that long, you don’t know him that far back. You have to be careful because he may look great on the outside, but you’ve only recently started to see who he is, and underneath all that untouchable exterior, may be something you won’t like.

Take a hypothetical situation: You leave your fiancee for John, you date John for another year or so (because you can’t marry him off the bat, that’d just be foolish) and things start to crop up. Things in everyday life that you weren’t around him for, things in the bedroom, things that will affect YOUR future. And you can’t be in the relationship anymore. So, essentially, that’s 12 years of your life wasted relationship wise. your fiancee won’t want to talk to you, and if you break up with him, he may not want to talk to you for destroying his and your fiancee’s relationship. You’ll be back at square one, and having even more trouble seeing as you’ve been out of the dating scene for so long.

Now remember, this is a Hypothetical worst case scenario, it’s not a gaurantee. But those are the ramifications we’re talking about here. It may go completely the other way, John will be great for you, and you’ll be the happiest you’ll have ever been. But since these things are murky waters, you’ll need to do some real investigating as well as soul searching.

First: See a therapist or relationship counselor. They can help you sort out all the feelings you are having, and have you lay them out on the table. They can tell if you are trying to sabotage a good relationship for bad reasons, or if you are truly in love. They’ll act as a buffer zone, and let you stay away from rashly deciding your future within a day.

Second: Talk to John in the utmost of confidence. Tell him your feelings, see if they’re mutual. If you need to, kind of ease him into it. Talk candidly, and tell him that you don’t want to make any rash decisions and must know how comitted he’d be if you were to choose him. Make no ultimatums and make it abundantly clear that your fiancee must not know about this from him, for BOTH of your sakes.

Third: If the first two seem to go well, then talk to your fiancee. If anything is to happen good or bad in a relationship that changes its whole status it’s something like this, and it NEEDS to be discussed. Tell him whats going on, and tell him the truth. Tell him how you don’t want to ruin your love if it’s for a fling or just becasue your relationship with him has semmed ordinary. Work it out, if need be go and see a couples counselor. But if you realize that it won’t work, you may need to start over fresh. If he truly wants you to be happy as a friend, he’ll let you be happy with John if you and he are not meant to be.

The main thing I’d also watch out for, reprecussions wise, is the other friends you’ll lose and wrath from family memebers. if the wedding is already seriously underway in the planning stages, thousands of dollars may be lost on this decision, some of which the opposing party may ask you to refund. Some of your firends who may be mutual friends with you and your fiancee may have nothing more to do with you. But, weigh your options as to how much of a loss that is compared to being with John.

And for this to come to pass, you must already have your answer you just need someone to push you in the right direction, and mostlikely anyone who’s opinion is worthy won’t make that decision for you, because ultimately it’s not ours to make. It’s what is in your heart, what you want to do with the rest of your life, and how much love truly means to you that will make this decision, and in the end it will be tough, but it’ll be for the right reasons:

Your reasons.

However, its a long story. I knew my husband 15 yrs before marring him a year ago. I knew my other friend the same amount of time. My friend and I have never slept together! We departed many many years ago when he moved out of state. But, we kept in touch. He married and then I. Ive been married only 1 year. My friend and I lost contact for about 2 yrs then found each other 2 months after i married. The past 8 months we have wanted to see each other. We both love our spouses but they are not out going as us. They want to stay home and do nothing. Before marriage my husband would do things, now, he just sit on the couch, pays men to cut the grass, etc. I know its a good thing my friend lives out of state because if not I would we would be together. We are so much alike and we care for each other alot. This is not a fling but a very sticky situation. Im scared to see him, and I am scared not too. I am not happy in my marriage, not because of him but because I feel held back in life. I think that if I dont see my friend I may loose the one man I have been thinking of all these years. He feels the same. We chat and call each other and I know this is not a lust thing. Its what we both want but we dont want to hurt our spouses either. What would you guys do??
We have no children..I love my husband but not in love with him. He is a great man but I think I jumped into it without thinking things over. Again, I love to be outdoors, etc and he wants nothing to do with it. I am always alone and get tired of people asking wheres he is. I feel like I have a husband in the house and not outside, My friend is the same outdoor person as me. I dont feel its an emotional roller coaster im on because this has been going on for years. We just got seperated, he got married, I stepped back, we lost contact, then I got married, later we found each other again and we are scared to lose each other again..

You have to ask yourself, "do I REALLY love my husband?" If your answer to yourself is YES, stay with him and work on the marraige. If your answer is something like, "I love him, but I’m not in love with him." Then you have to do what’s best for everyone and end it. Hopefully if your answer is the second one, you don’t have kids with your husband.

Assuming , man you have never known in your life is approaching you for love talk.How best way do you prefer, and how would you advice other men to practice.

> what is the best way for men to approach women they love? < Well, my answers would be dependant upon a number of factors, such as location, the time of day, attire and a number of other factors too.

However, I respectfully decline to answer any further as my answer would be likely to upset a ”respectful Lady”. So I must withdraw ~ quietly and ~ quiet ~ ‘discretely’.

Sash (in hushed tones).

Ok this is the deal. My boyfriend who is also the father of my 19 month old son lives in America and I am currently in Germany. We have been through really rough times in the past, and are trying to find a way to be together. I know i love him a lot and that he cared for me but we both have insecurity issues. Since we cant really show that we love each other because of the distance all we have is communication. But we still dont really show our feelings. Should i tell him i love him more often? Do men need this re insurance once in a while, and they get all bubbly inside like us women.lol..Or do they not need to hear it and it is just an uncomfortable act for them.. Maybe this is to general of an aspect, just wanted to know some opinions..

Yes. Men liked to be liked also. And being reassured (not re-insured) tells them again that they’re liked and that makes them feel better.

So do it. Send those letters. But always be truthful, don’t be fake. Hopefully he’ll send back letters, because your reassurance made him feel bettter about you, and so he reassures you that he likes you as much as he has in th past.

ok so here is my deal i have had a friend w bene’s for like 4 years and being a woman i fell in love with him. He knew how i felt before i have told him many many times. so a few days ago i asked him how he felt and i got a txt saying "you know the deal ect" i dont want to go into the whole thing! but ne way i was pretty nasty to him and said some mean things but then i apologized but still havent heard back from him. Now he works alot like 80 hours a week so its not unusual for him not to text me right back but i emailed him today and laid everything out for him and told him id give him time to think about it. I know he has feelings for me im just not sure what to do next. Should i not talk to him let him think things through? do you think hes mad cause i asked him how he felt about me? im so confused and i love this man. im 28 and hes 29
no one really knows what he is like besides me…so im taking everyones advice in my mind but no one can answer like him because you arent him
Thanks for the advice though im taking it all into consideration!

After seven days, give it up.

I have been seeing this guy for four years now, and at one time we were lovers then all of that changed when he met this other girl. It all stared 3 1/2 years ago when him and I were dating and he just turned on me giving me the cold shoulder. He messes with me and her and any given time that he wants to. I still love him to the fullest, I know that he still cares about and has feelings for me and all. But, he still f$cks with this girl from time to time. I just wish that he would leave her to be with me. He shows me in different emotions that he still cares about me and shows me affection from time to time, but sometimes he gives me mixed emotions. I just don’t know what to think. What should I do? Or what would you do?

I would like to hear from men and women advice. Please…

i would like to say that you express yourself, your feelings, your expectations very well, directly and all these show your self awareness and confidence to yourself. i wanted to congrat you while reading.
secondly, the matter is so annoying. i understadn you still want to be with him in spite of that 2nd girl, but does he worth this after all ? wont you ever think them again ? do you think it iwll be the same again for you ? maybe you want the past beautiful days to come back, i dont know.. i wish you would meet a man who deserves you. that man probably will give up this girl for another girl. do you want a man who leaves you for another woman quickly ? no. you shouldnt.
please try to go out and make new friends for a while. rest your mind away from all those people. try to go to a trip if possible. you will look at things in a very differnt persective and it will be you who will not want to be with him. you just need time to reconsider things.
best wishes.