one was a long relationship that ended with feelings the other was the rebound guy and i married him i ‘m in love with the other guy still and i do love my husband we are good together but he deserves some one to love him back the other guy and i have a child together so we have to be friends for her i’ve been married for 6yrs and my daugher is 10.should i just give up on the other guy he says he feel the same way about me i’m still trying to figure out why we broke up . catch now other guy is married now please help me with my feelings someone has to be going though the same things

exactly, people have gone through this before. you know, before you got married, you should have gotten over the other. butim sure you realized that already. for the sake of your kid, keep on living the way you are…except try to REALLY get over the other.you’re both married. get over youselves. Don’t try to analize the break up. just dont, you know youre only wasting time. it sounds like youre looking for a reason to end your family. be grateful for what you have and, good luck.

HERE’S MY STORY.I MET THIS GUY ABOUT 19 YEARS AGO,HE WAS MARRIED WITH A PREGNANT WIFE OF 2 YEARS.STARTED OUT JUST AS FRIENDSHIP THEN GREW INTO MORE. I WAS ALSO MARRIED .WHEN I REALIZED I HAD DEVELOPED STONG FEELINGS FOR HIM,I DIVORCED MY HUSBAND,BUT BECAUSE HE WAS ABUSIVE NOT FOR THE OTHER MAN.I STOPPED SEEING THE OTHER MAN AFTER 6 OR 8 MONTHS AND MOVED ON.I THEN REMARRIED AND HAD A CHILD AND TRIED TO FORGET ABOUT THIS OTHER MAN.AFTER 3 YEARS I THREW IN THE TOWEL WITH MY THEN HUSBAND,AND DIVORCED HIM ALSO BUT FOR REASONS I DO NOT CARE TO MENTION.I RAN INTO THE OTHER MAN AND WE PICKED UP RIGHT WHERE WE LEFT OFF AND I CONTINUED TO SEE HIM FOR ABOUT A YEAR OFF AND ON.I AGAIN BROKE IT OFF BECAUSE I KNEW IT WAS WRONG.SO I MET SOMEONE NEW AND WHILE WE WERE DATING THE OTHER MAN COMES TO ME AND WANTS TO SEE ME AGAIN BUT I CUT HIM OFF.I EVENTUALLY MARRIED THE MAN I’M WITH NOW AND HAVE BEEN FOR 10 YEARS.WITH IN THE PAST YEAR I RAN INTO THE OTHER MAN AGAIN AND WE STARTED TALKING AGAIN. THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT FROM THE TIMES BEFORE.HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME AND THAT HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE HIS WIFE.I HAVE NEVER ASKED OR EVEN INSINUATED THAT I WANTED HIM TO END HIS MARRIAGE WITH HER.EVEN THOUGH I SO DESPERATLEY DO.HE SAYS HE WILL LEAVE HER ONCE HE CAN TRUST THAT I WON’T WALK OUT ON HIM LIKE I DID MY OTHER HUSBANDS.HE SAYS THAT HE FEELS LIKE I THINK OF HIM AS A CHALLENGE AND ONCE I GET HIM I’LL PROBALLY NOT WANT HIM ANYMORE SO THAT IS WHY HE NEEDS MORE TIME TO SEE IF MY FEELINGS FOR HIM ARE GENUINE. I TRULY LOVE THIS MAN. I HAVE FOR 20 YEARS NOW AND NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY TO MOVE ON AND FORGET ABOUT HIM I JUST CAN’T.BY THE WAY HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME FIRST.HE HAS BEEN CALLING ME EVERYDAY SINCE WE STARTED TALKING AGAIN AND WE SEE EACH OTHER OFTEN EVEN IF IT’S JUST FOR A FEW MINUTES.WE DON’T ALWAYS ENGAGE IN SEX,MOST OF THE TIME IT IS JUST TALKING. HE SAYS HE JUST WANTS TO BE NEAR ME AND SEE MY FACE AND HOLD ME.I KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING IS WRONG AND I ASKED HIM IF HE EVER FEELS GUILTY AND HE SAID NOT REALLY BECAUSE HE TRULY LOVES ME. HE DOES LOVE HIS WIFE BUT NOT THE WAY HE LOVES ME.DOES ANYBODY WHO’S BEEN IN THIS SITUATION HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR ME?

whew, I agree with baby. This is a serious cat n mouse game and I am not sure who is which and if the game ends if there is anyone left to play.
I agree what you need to do is get into some intensive therapy and find out what and why makes you tick. To bad for all the kids that are growing up around this.mmhh my future clients. So you sound like self will run riot love and sex addict and or relationship addict if nothing else. I expect that then what you want to do is dump your current and grab onto this "lover of your life" and you won’t be happy until you do that. So I would take a deep breath pause and hit the reset button. Get into therapy and or a 12 step program for sex and love addiction and commit to not changing anything for a time 6 months. If this guy and you are ordained and destined it has waited 20 years so it can wait another few months while you deal with you.

I really wanto work and live in Scotland or Ireland. I work in the Hospitality industry as a Spa Director. I guess now Its very hard for an American to get out of the U.S. (trust me I want to get out of here) Any advice as to how I can obtain A work permit? And of course find me a Scottish husband? =) Thanks guys!

Have you ever been to Scotland or Ireland on holiday before you choose to live there. I am Scottish but now live in London. Scotland is not a town, it is a country. OK it might not be huge but the difference between being in a remote island village and being in Govan in Glasgow couldn’t be bigger. Do you want to live in a city – Aberdeen (oil), Dundee (less well off), Edinburgh (affluent), Glasgow (mixed), Inverness (rural)? Or do you want to live in the countryside (farmers, no public transport, no shops etc.). I don’t know where you are from but the summers in Scotland usually consist of a month where the sun comes out and a lot of rain. In the winter, there’s more rain and some snow. Scottish people generally like Americans but the same as a Scottish person can’t just go and live in America the same is true the other way round. You usually have to have a skill that they can’t fill here. Most Americans I know in Aberdeen came over because of the oil industry from Texas. Scottish men are great (I married an Englishman) but they do like their drink and their football! They will also spend a lot of time discussing the weather and where you can buy something cheaper. I suggest you book a holiday and do a tour of Scotland to see what area you like and don’t do it in the summer so you can see what it’s really like.

Should a woman stay with a man because of Love and Marriage?

I’ve seen instances where women put up with men who don’t have jobs, don’t pay any bills, cheats, lies, abuses, etc; but the woman doesn’t leave because she loves him and they have been married for many years (vows: through thick and thin/standing by his side). I guess they feel like they’ve invested so much time into the marriage and staying with the man is required! So my question is do you think the woman should stay with him dependent on the fact that they are married or because she truly loves him?

I’ve read the answers given and alot of you are twisting the question to what its not!
I know that women can do all the wrong things a man can, but this question isnt to bash deadbeat men!!! Its was simply to find out if a woman should put up with a husband who is not holding up his side of the bargain/deal in the marriage! And if staying b/c of love/marriage were good enough reasons?

All I can say is that woman who stay are not staying because they love them so much they stay because they are afraid of the unknown. No they shouldn’t stay with a man who cares little about the woman who he is suppose to love and protect and take care off.

So to your question i say that a woman should tally up her losses, which by the way should have been done years ago, and move on to fulfill her life with out the weight of her husband keeping her boat in one place and collecting barnacles.

I am in love with a married man and no he has not cheated on his wife with me nor have we had any intentions or talked in a sexual or relationship way. It all started when we where young 10-11 years old he came with my brother from america to china to visit with him and spend the summer here(yes he is american and white that doesn’t matter to me). While he was down here i got to know him very well and he actually one day stopped me from being raped and saved my life all at the same time. From that day i became entranced with him he sat along my bed side all night as i cried and shivered in fear and he just silently sat there not saying any thing or doing any thing just there. Threw that summer we hung out allot and he became a really good friend and i wanted it to be more but we both knew he had to go back to america after the summer was up he also treated me in a way like a sister (very frustrating when you love some one). So when he want back we kept in contact emailed each other at least once a week and he has always sent me a birthday gift. We have visited each other threw out the years when possible. then about 4 years ago i got married and it ended up being to an abusive man and he got married about 5 months later. Well i got divorced about 1 year ago and he is still married and we still talk. But i can’t see loving any one else but him we are both close to our thirties now and his marrige is in a rough spot and i seceritly wish he would divorce her so that i can try and get him. He has a daughter and he just adores him i want that type of man. Every man i find doesn’t even come close to the type of man his is no one is as great of a person and i can’t see loving any one else. i Send him a long email about 3 days ago telling him how i felt and he said this in responce. I love you but i am married now i will always love you as family but as for right now i am married and have a daughter i can’t just walk away from this"
I understand his point but i can’t help loveing him and if i could i would clone him so that he can stay married and i can have the copy to keep all to my self. I can’t ecplaine why i love this man so much nor can i just forget about him he feels like the one, my body mind and soul long for him but he isn’t advailable. We will always be good friends and i wont try and mess up or interfear with his marrige i am not that type of woman. Any advice on how to get over him or get to the point not every man has to stack up to him i can just be happy with a good man?
thank you for your advice

As hard as it might seem, you need to move on and find someone who is available to receive your love.

Good luck!

OK SO IAM REWRITING MY QUESTION BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE DIDNT GET IT

I HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BABYS FATHER FOR 8 YEARS ITS ROCKY AN I DONT FEEL THE SAME WAY I ONCE DID ABOUT HIM BUT I DONT LEAVE BECAUSE OF OUR SON AN ALSO THAT IT ISNT THAT BAD I THINK WE GROWN INTO TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE WE DO I HAVE ALOT IN COMMON BUT NOT WERE IT COUNTS

AND I COUPLE MONTHS AGO MY FIRST LOVE GOT IN CONTACT WITH ME AGAIN WE TALK HERE AN THERE WE NEVER REALLY LOST TOUCH HE SAYS HE TRIED OF WAITING FOR ME SO A WHILE BACK HE GOT INVOLVE WITH A GURL WE TALK THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS WIITH HER AN I TOLD HIM TO JUST DO HIS LIFE CUZ IAM NOT SURE WHAT I WANT SO NOW THERE OVER AND SHE CHEATED ON HIM AN WELL IAM NOT DOING TO GOOD WITH MY BABY FATHER SO

SHOULD I MAKE THE LEAP AN TRY IT OUT WITH HIM AN SEE IF MAYBE HES WHAT IAM BEEN MISSING OR STAY WHERE ITS STABLE BUT NOT HAPPY

I HAVENT LIED TO EITHER MEN IVE TOLD MY BABYS FATHER I NOT FEELING THE SAME WAY BOUT HIM AND IVE TOLD THE NEW GUY THAT IAM STILL WITH MY BABYS FATHER AN I JUST CANT PICK UP AN LEAVE CAUSE HE BACK

SO GUYS HELP WHAT WOULD YOU DO ANY ADVICE PLEASE IAM JUST STUCK IN NEUTRAL RIGHT NOW WITH BOTH
IF I TAKE THE CHANCE WILL IT BITE MY IN THE ASS IS MY FEAR ALTHOUGH WHERE IAM AT RIGHT NOW ISNT PERFECT BUT I CAN LIVE WITH IT FOR MY SONS SAKE
i want to thank everyone who answer this is hard for me i know u cant love to men my heart i think belongs to my baby father because of our long life changes we been through but i think that if i dont take a chance i will never know where i ment to be an if it the wrong choice then i guess i have to live with it but if one of them truly loves me i should end up with one if not then i figured it out right?

You don’t love both men. You like them both, and you may be "in love" with them, but that’s not really love. Love is a decision, an act of your will. When you "fall out of love", true love is what keeps you together until you fall back in love. So you don’t truly love either of them.

I think for your child’s sake, you ought to stay with his father. You made your decision long ago, and it would be selfish to move on just because you don’t feel the same about him anymore – despite the fact that your child will have a better life if his dad is involved and around.

They say that no wound hurts as much as love lost…The below situation is happening to a male friend of mine and I’d like your views:
How much longer do you think a man can love a woman he has not seen for 5 months? How much longer can she expect to stay in his heart? Surely he will forget about her and she will become a memory soon? Circumstances in life parted them and it is his choice now whether he wants to risk all and get in touch with her or not but so far he has not got in touch. What advice can I best give to this guy? He is always thinking about this woman even after all this time…

tell him to get a move on before he misses the boat she wont be single for ever someone will beat him to it

I am 19 years old and I am currently married to my husband who is also 19 years old. I have known him for 4 years and married for more than 1 year. My husband is in the army. His best friend in the army is 25 years old and he is currently married, is getting a divorce and has a son. After hanging out with both of them at the same time for about a month his best friend told me he really liked me (I have talked to his best friend on different occasions before, so this is not the first time we met or talked). That soon turned into he loved me. He said that after his divorce he was going to finish college and get a bachelor pad with his friends and not get into any relationships soon. He said he would like me to be his, but he is not forcing me to do anything. He only wants me to be happy even if it isn’t with him. My husband and I have had a lot of problems, such as verbal abuse which made me very unhappy. He has been trying to be better for me and things are not as bad as they used to be. He has also said that he never wants to lose me. My husband is not aware of the fact that his best friend in the army loves me, but he does know that I like his best friend because of the way he treats me. He makes me feel good about myself. The problem is that I don’t know if I can leave my husband because of our time, history, and love we share. I’m also scared that if I don’t leave then I will be unhappy and miss out on a good relationship.

I’m not asking who I should pick, but for advice. Are there ways to tell that one is really in love with me? Any advice to help me make a decision would be greatly appreciated. I don’t like doing this to two people who care about me.
His best friend recently told me to look up a song; She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. He said it was from him to me.

This is why people your age shouldn’t get married. You’re too immature, period.

My estranged husband and I have been battling issues for our entire relationship, and it is now definately to the breaking point. Most of the time I feel like an enabler to his bad habits and destructive behavior. But, because I love him, it is difficult for me to say no or be strict with him in any way. He does not have difficulty being tough with me, and it always get’s a reaction from me. How can I really toughen up with him, to stop enabling him and envoke a change? I prefer not to "play games" but at this point everyone is telling me to stop enabling him, stop making myself available to him. The nicer and more helpful I am to him, the more distant our relationship gets. Would it really get through to him if I acted the opposite?

Just be yourself. When you are in your ‘enabling mode’ you are not being yourself. You learned that. In your true ‘self’ you would never tolerate being the ‘reactive passive’ side of the co-dependency you described in your question. In reality, you are playing games. You are playing your game and he’s playing his. That’s co-dependency.

If you love him … you’ll learn to say "NO"!!! Otherwise, the ‘game’ will keep going on and on and on and on …..

About a year ago I dated a guy who I knew would be leaving for the navy in 3 months after we met. We dated and had a lot of fun. 3 months passed He would visit every other weekend for the day we would have great sex he would go. Then he was done with boot camp n left for another state and didn’t keep in touch with me. It killed me cuz we had this undeniable chemistry. We will call him guy 1. Ok so now guy 2 we have been dating for 3 months I am not one to fall fast but I did. We spend a lot of time together and I hate saying bye cuz I love being with him. He loves me and I love him. But am I in love with him I think so but I should be sure. He’s a gentleman great boyfriend and fun. So guy 1 came back and we made love about 3 months ago n then he left for iraq. We email almost every day just about our days n he talks about getting back together. So guy 2 is safe I love him. He’s Great. N guy 1 is a risk cuz there’s great potential but not exactly love yet or it unspoken and he won’t be back for a year. Do I stop stringing guy 2 along if what I really want is to wait for guy 1 to come home. Do I keep guy 2 just till guy 1 gets home. Or tell guy 1 I can’t talk to him anymore because I care for guy 2. Please helpppp! ! !

It seems like your really into Guy 2 than Guy 1. Guy 1 seems more like lust and physical attraction but I’m sure hes a great guy. Guy 2 it seems like you have physical and emotional attraction and by the way you put it you seem more interested in him.