Relationship advice for men?

Dated my girl for a little over a year. She has a bazillion guy friends. Half of which I found out are either ex’s, or have crushes on her. I accepted this, and rolled with the punches the best I could. But at some point, I feel you have to draw a line. A couple months ago, she went on a 5 day trip to the Grand Canyon/Vegas. I knew she was sharing a room with her two guy friends from college. One is married, and she was the best "man"in the wedding. Come to find out there was a 3rd male friend who was married, that she actually shared a bed with for the two nights they were in Vegas. She said if she could trust herself, then why can’t I trust her? Is this even about trust? I feel that was completely disrespectful, and not necessary when you are in a commited relationship that you actually want to work. She said if I understood the dynamic of the friendships then it wouldn’t be an issue. Well, not having met any of these guys, that’s a little hard to do. Anyway, it really put a strain on our relationship. I dealt with all the hanging out with guy friends, dinner, visits, etc. However, this one was where I drew the line. I didn’t accuse her of anything, just let her know I did not approve. Am I crazy? She made me out to be insecure, possesive, and untrusting. I mean, how many guys at 38 years old would put up with this? any input is appreciated. Thanks

Well considering you put this in the LGBT category I would usually decline answering a question like this but you seem like a nice guy.

I am a lesbian, most of my closest friends are either straight/bi guys and bi/lesbian girls. I’ve slept in the same bed as the majority of my closest friends even if I was in a relationship at the time, I’ve slept in the same bed with an ex whilst in a relationship before. If nothing happened then personally I view it as acceptable, Vegas is expensive for hotel rooms, this may be the only reason she shared the same bed as a guy.

It is about trust, why do you disapprove of it? It’s either that you’re jealous or you think she may have cheated on you. If you can’t trust her then you should get rid of her because the main thing in a relationship besides love and communication is trust.

They’re close friends and lovers will never get in between friends who are like brothers/sisters to each other. If you try and stop her from doing this then you’re trying to change her, another thing about a good relationship is that your partner accepts you for exactly who you are and doesn’t want you to change. You may make sacrifices for each other but you should not attempt to change something in her that she does not want to change herself.

Could you recommend a great relationship book for a man to read?

I know of many books that are great for a woman to read but I am looking for something that will actually attract a man and keep his attention. Something that helps and gives great relationship advice. Are there any men that have any suggestions?


-The Fault in our Stars (John Green)

How can I get my Egyptian Fiance a US tourist visa?

I’ve recently gotten engaged to an Egyptian man in Cairo. My family wants to meet him in person as they have spoken to him many times on chat. I was studying abroad and his family was hosting me in Egypt. I know he is not trying to get a green card out of me (for any of you who are suspicious). He doesn’t want to immigrate to the US or even stay in the US for more than a month. We just want to get him a tourist visa so he can stay and meet my family for 2 weeks with the most being 3 weeks. We would love for him to come to visit in December so he can experience how Christians celebrate Christmas since I stayed/lived with him all of Ramadan in Egypt.

I’m not looking for relationship advice! I just want to know how to get him a tourist visa to come meet my family for Christmas. We are wishing/praying for him to come at December since my brother will be bringing his Japanese fiancee to visit in December after living in Japan for 3 years.

What can we do? I tried going to the embassy and speaking/ getting help but i was refused entry and no one answers their phones or emails. Do I need to write my fiance a letter of support? He has many ties to Egypt as he is a university student and also is in the middle of inheriting a property (which is going through the courts for legalization).

So what can we do? What are the steps? Where do we even start?

To get him a tourist visa is going be very difficult. There are two ways you can go about this, you can a get a fiance visa, this will most likely get approved but you do have to get married in 3 months. If you don’t want to go that route, you should not write a letter of support or do anything to help with his visa in anyway as it is more likely he will get denied. I would get a family member, preferably male, to sponsor his visa that would have a higher chance. Also send finical records of who ever is sponsor that shows they can support him for 2 to 3 weeks but not more. The reason for this is the U.S. wants to make sure he is not immigrating or tiring to. If you sponsor him the person looking at his app can put 2 and 2 together. Also if you don’t have enough to support he would need to find work, on the other hand if you can support him for a long time he doesn’t need to leave. Still it’s tough.

How does one tell if a long distance relationship is real and sincere?

With the internet as the only means of contact and communication I am puzzled by people who profess their love without physically meeting. What gives here? Are men and woman prey to the advances of their own emotions and each other or are the hunters looking for something else?

1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship ( dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged)as well defining exclusive(limited to one person,) non exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?"or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?". Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.
2. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won’t be seeing each other, it’s important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don’t always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand – you don’t take communication for granted!
3. Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it’s important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think… people in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously. For an extensive list of more things you can do with each other (or for each other) click here: Over 60 Activities for LDR Couples to Do!
4. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality – something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
5. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there’s a movie you’re both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you’re on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.
6. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match – or someone else is a better match – your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
7. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you’d want to live together, discussing how you’re going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
8. Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you’ll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it’s worth, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. You have to remember that for a healthy relationship, no matter how far or close, you must be willing to let go.
9. Remember: things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.
10. Visit often Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and person

How long after a relationship ending can I start asking them for relationship advice?

I was in a light relationship with this girl and now we are still good friends. I don’t really have any female friends other than her, and she knows me the best, and and has been on that side of the relationship and would know how I can improve myself. We have both moved on and she is in a new relationship.

Asking an ex for advice is not that good of an idea sometimes. It really depends on the type of advice your looking for. To improve yourself? She could say talk more but maybe the next girl says talk less. You know what I mean? I guess it depends on the advise your asking for. If she has been in the same situation as you, and she knows you so well, she may be able to give you real good advice, but on the other hand she could give you advice based on her experience with you and it may not be that good of advice. I’m sure that you are a pretty smart guy though and could be able to determine if her answer was a legit helpful one or just completely bogus. if you are still close, I would just ask her.

Me and my ex are still close and I ask him for advice all the time, and he actually helped me land my
new man, your not going to know if its useful till you try. 🙂

How long does it take someone to get over a relationship and ready to be in a new one?

I have been dating a really great guy. We have become such wonderful friends and I know we care about each other a lot. He’s hesitant to be in a relationship with me because he just got out of a long term long distance relationship, a month and a half ago.

What does he need to be "over it" and ready? How can I maintain our friendship without getting my hopes up and then be disappointed?

He’s Just Not That Into You:
The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

What it says about men: In the words of author Greg Behrendt, "If a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." This bestselling book is refreshingly upbeat, managing to focus less on man-bashing and more on women’s inability to recognize a disinterested partner.

How to handle its readers: Like most self help books, readers of He’s Just Not That Into You come away highly empowered. They know if you don’t treat them properly, another, better-suited man gladly will. Women like these are likely to have little patience for your immaturity, so making a good first impression is key. Authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo challenge their readers to avoid men who:
Keep them waiting by the phone
Are not sure they want a relationship
Make them feel sexually undesirable
Drink or do drugs to an extent it makes them uncomfortable
Fear talking about the future
Are married

Read more:

Friend asking for relationship advice What should I do?

I don’t have a boyfriend because honestly I don’t freakin understand men…But my friend is having problems with her boyfriend (who has cheated on her before) and she is asking for my help. She says they never spend time together and all they do is fight…What should I tell her

She shouldn’t have taken him back to begin with,a cheater hardly ever changes. I thinkyou should tell her to break up with him sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.

Hope I helped.

Did you know a woman or mans life is the most in danger from a violent partner if he/she tells their partner?

they are leaving the relationship??
So any partner out there planning on leaving a violent relationship, do not under any circumstance let your other half know, leave when they’re not there and go to somewhere very safe where they wouldn’t look.
Re Sheloves… unfortunately many women/men have been murdered during this time, and obviously unaware of the risk of this happening, and this needs to be shared and could possibly save lives – so your response was unnecessary.

This is very good advice.

One of the most dangerous times is after a restraining notice is served as well.

Planning ahead. Entrust a good friend with details, or a lawyer. Also contact a woman’s shelter for advice in planning your ‘escape’.

Do not leave behind anything you will want. Especially children or pets. It becomes abandonment.

But that was very good advice from you

What kind of advice or tips would you like to read about?

I am a psychology student who has been focusing a lot of study on relationships, and I plan to write a book filled with personal experience, stories from friends, psychology knowledge, and everything else to do with relationships. It will be funny and informative, but I want to know what people want to know about.

hints and tips on how to make women or men fall for ya. how to keep them with you. how to make then laugh and smile after years of being together. how to keep a sex life up and exciting. stuff like that.

What advice can you give me as to how I can keep things in perspective?

I lose perspective over silly silly things so often. I get myself in twists over really ridiculous things – often within my relationship, because I suppose I feel I have the most to lose. For example, I’m currently stressing over my boyfriend bumping into a girl I dislike intensely. He will see her this evening – not intentionally, she will just be where he is going. I get so wound up and just want to howl! HOW do I STOP thinking this way and just accept things???! This is not the only example – there are many many things that I get out of perspective almost every day. It’s getting hard. I feel like I’m running in water and getting nowhere.

Anyone have any pointers reorganising my thought process? I’m on a CBT waiting list so this isn’t currently an option.
I can be possessive, but not with all girls. Just two girls that drive me bonkers because I find them threatening. Not cos hey look nice or play nice, but because they’re manipulative. I just hate these two girls – as individuals, not cos I’m jealous or anything. Which I suppose I am a little. But that’s a totally different issue – I’m always going to have these negative feelings for these girls because I don’t like the way they behave, but it’s about keeping it all in perspective. It’s not like my guy wants to see this girl, he just can’t avoid her. But it drives me up the wall =(
answerer 3 – I see your point, and I know I must sound self indulgent comparatively. Perhaps I shouldn’t have included the example, it was possibly not a good one to use. I KNOW it is totally innocent…that’s not actually the point. And I’m volunteering in a prison workshop scheme this semester, so I’m gaining an insight. But it doesn’t really help me keep things in perspective when I’m bogged down with it all. Yes, I’m very selfish. I’m just trying to muddle through.
answer 4 – I know I can’t control it…I wasn’t aware I was trying to? You say I need to focus on controlling my own behaviour not my boyfriends…I believe I AM trying to control my own behaviour, hence the question! I appreciate advice but sometimes people just get it so wrong and start saying some cold things without actually reading the details. I’m not an idiot – I’m not trying to control my bf, nor did I give any reason for you to think that. I am trying to control my own behaviour – why do you think I asked the Q in the first place? Again, I do appreciate input, but not input that accuses me of being controlling and immature or naive. I’m neither. Sorry to sound defensive.
answer 4 – I know I can’t control it…I wasn’t aware I was trying to? You say I need to focus on controlling my own behaviour not my boyfriends…I believe I AM trying to control my own behaviour, hence the question! I appreciate advice but sometimes people just get it so wrong and start saying some cold things without actually reading the details. I’m not an idiot – I’m not trying to control my bf, nor did I give any reason for you to think that. I am trying to control my own behaviour – why do you think I asked the Q in the first place? Again, I do appreciate input, but not input that accuses me of being controlling and immature or naive. I’m neither. Sorry to sound defensive.

Break things down into manageable portions and focus on one thing at a time. And if something goes wrong, look at the setback as temporary and think of HOW you could solve the problem using the above small pieces method.

As to the other chick, I was possessive of my boy too until I knew I could trust him. Your feelings are normal, so don’t obsess over them and have a little faith in your man.