So I guess his not saying he loved me for a while triggered his past behavior constantly complimenting others and never complimenting me and the fact I started noticing he particularly enjoyed watching movies with nude or scantily clad women every weekend we would spend together. It’s important I also make known that during a past long term relationship I discovered my then fiance had a porn addiction which he never overcame. He was psychologically diagnosed as having a fantasy fixation.

Ok so that was him and I don’t think it’s fair or wise to judge someone by your ex because they are separate individuals but my now fiance’s behavior began to make me suspicious and after all of the pain I experienced in the last relationship I sure don’t want to end up with another porn addict. At this point I checked his phone (but never checked his phone before) and (we share an account in my name) but when my fear was triggered I put an adult content block on his phone. I checked to see if he had attempted to access porn and he did in which the site also offered live webcam sex/ chat. He has a home computer and I know if he wants to access porn sites at home he can do it if he wishes but I got him the cell phone last Christmas so he could talk and text not to access porn.

I was really upset after finding he was using his phone to access porn and I’d already shared with him the pain I went through with my ex being a porn addict. Well he got furious when I confronted him about it and when I asked him why…he lied and said he attempted to access it to see if there was a block on his phone. That’s B. S. because he never had no reason to suspect there was a block on it or I would check it as I never had before. After asking him again why he said "you want to know why…because I wanted to." After that I was so mad and hurt and I took off my engagement ring and tossed it to him. I started crying and I tried to explain to him his past behavior and recent behavior caused me to check it. He took the ring and started to leave and I asked him for it back. He gave it back but he didn’t call me for 3 days. The next day he called and we talked and I thought we worked things out…eventually he began to say he loved me too and continued to do so for a few months up until November. Since then he’s only said it back a couple of times and so I began to worry so last night I told him I noticed he stopped saying he loved me back and I asked him if his feelings had changed and after pausing he said yes his feelings had changed and I asked him why and to my surprise he says " do you remember giving me the ring back?", I said yes and explained to him again why and pointed out that I also asked for it back and he said "do you remember why" and I said yes because he stopped saying he loved me, he never complimented yet bragged to me about other women instead and he said "yeah you also checked my phone and had a block on it" and he said well…since then….my feelings have changed. I asked him if he still wanted to marry me and he said " I’m not sure."

The incident he brought up last night happened months ago and as far as I was concerned and also thought that it was water under the bridge. He’s been coming over every weekend, spending holidays with me, showing affection and of course we’ve continued to be intimate.

I’m just confused. How could he continue in the relationship, spending every weekend with me and holidays and having sex if his feelings have changed and he’s not sure if he wants to marry me.

And why is he still holding it against me checking and blocking his phone. If porn isn’t that important to him and he’s not an addict as he says then why is he still angry about it?

Well, the first stuff you mention is not that serious. Yes, we guys do tend to view our choice to be with someone as an ongoing compliment. And, complimenting women we see on TV, well, we do tend to know that that’s a different kind of fantasy. We’re not doing it to contrast with the woman we’re with, anymore than when she swoons over a studly male actor is a diss at us.

Now, porn. Well, young guys like it. It’s very available, and it is exciting. It’s no worse than with women who read a lot of Cosmo or home decorating (Some call that ‘home porn’) stuff. What turns men and women on *in the abstract* is very different, due to, well, evolution. Men are turned on by the appearance of reproductive capability in women, so curves, nice hips and boobs, all that says to our hindbrain ‘I am ready to breed with YOU!’. And, women are turned on by men who can bring resources to the table, to help care for the babies upbringing that will come.

Here’s another area that millions of women desperately need to learn about us men; DON’T play the Ultimate Relationship Ends Card until you MEAN it, and that means, you only ever get to play that card ONCE. In your case, it was the removal and tossing of your ring. That was a statement to him that you ARE explicitly rejecting him RIGHT then and there. So, when a woman Goes There, she cannot expect that his feelings are going to stay all lovey dovey. He’s just been given the Untimate I Don’t Want YOU message. Men don’t tend to stay in love with women who just did that.

There are a lot of ways to Fight Fair, and to work out an issue in dispute WITHOUT playing the This Relationship Is OVER Card. You could have stuck to that sort of argument, but you went Nuclear.

Now, he has to REALLY consider that a woman who will do that BEFORE the wedding will do that afterwards, and that when that happens, it’s going to HURT him a lot MORE.

So sorry, what he did wasn’t good, but you pressed the Self Destruct Button…

And I can’t find any question on here about men having doubts about their relationship. Most of the questions and answers regarding relationship doubts are told from a female’s perspective!

http://www.askmen.com/dating/

You’re welcome

Men’s: "How do become a real man, and therefore worthy of the woman"
Women: "How to weed through guys and find the one who are worth your time"

It’s like, both magezines assume guys aren’t worthy of women until they prove otherwise, almost like they are of higher class and men need to "get up to their level".

Sure, the women’s magezines talk about fashion and weight-loss, but even if guys actually cared how the colors matched between your blouse and your skirt, that’s still only covering the superficial, and making it seem even MORE like guys are emotionally detached and shallow horn-dogs.

Plus, fashion is a lot of what women do for each other, and slimming down is countering the abundance of obesity and heart disease.

Is what I haven’t seen a lot of is "Are you spending enough quality time with your guy?", or "How to help your guys feel like he means the world to you". This is the stuff I hear good girls in relationships talk about. What they can do for each other and how to communicate their needs and receive without judging or getting upset.

I mean, this is one of the reasons I used to feel that relationships were about the guy providing everything in exchange for the girl not leaving or calling him a jerk.

A lot of relationship problems arise from this. Everyone focuses on if the girl’s needs are met and the guy’s needs are ignored, resulting in a drastic loss of motivation from the guy.

Is this just an optical illusion, or some sort of "remembering the stuff that hit me hardest?", or does anyone else notice this trend as well?

Magazines publish nonsense that will sell copies…

It’s always him. Im always the one waiting for my phone to ring. Im so nervous to call him! He says we’ll hang out but he never gives me the date when.

I know he’s really busy with work but that such a bullshit excuse. He says next week but he never gives me an exact date but then he would call me again. What is wrong with him? I don’t wanna be calling him sounding all clingy. Is he just trying to keep me interested

What you guys think?

Relationships are like a game of chess. He made his first move so it’s your turn now. If he keeps making the moves then the game goes wrong. Just call him (at an hour you suppose he’s not working) & ask him for the best time & day to hang out.
If you never call him back he will eventually start to think that you’re not interested.

For year and a half, I have been dealing with the same man. For the first 4 months he actively put in effort to get to know me and build a possible relationship. He got fed up with me a few times, so after a year or so after that, we have been on and off… without a committed relationship status.

For about a month now, I have been distancing myself from him… no calling, barely texting or trying to see him. I know I couldn’t keep myself in a revolving sex, no committed "friend/relationship" So, the other day he let me know that he was talking to another female (and just wanted to let me know this) I feel like I have much to say, but no words to say it. I’m not sure if I should even say something.

I would just let him go, he isnt worth your time anyways

Mixed signal/sweet nothings/not into me at all perhaps? But when he chases me is when I get confuse. last week I missed two of his phone calls then I called next day saying I’m sorry. and he said, "It’s ok, i figured you’re busy."

Ever since that, Not heard from him at all. What is going on, everyday I can’t stop thinking about him. I am so not gonna make the phone call, I did the last already. The way I see it, It’s up to him but it’s been a week

He just doesn’t care for you all that much. You’re not on his higher priority list :L

Here’s the situation. I met a guy from an online game from the UK (i’m from USA). we clicked instantly, and fell in love really fast. We web cammed on skype for months at a time. He was 19 when i met him. He’s now 21 and I am 25. Because of his young age, he could not afford to get to the USA to meet me and I don’t have a good enough job to have met him. But we still loved each other dearly. We just knew in our hearts that we were meant to be. everything was 100% perfect. I knew that i could never stop loving him, or love anyone more than him. A year passed, and i was lonely. I met a local guy and dated him. I ended up loving him, but not as much as my UK sweet heart. but since my local guy was… local, i stuck around for 7 whole months. even moved in with him. however, after like 2 months of dating him i knew it was the end. i lost contact a bit with my UK man becuase my Local man hacked into my facebook and saw a message written to my UK man about how much i loved him and would never love anymore more than him. anyways, after 2 months, i hated my local boy but it was too late. i started something. I ended up talking to ANOTHER Uk man, only this one is 36 years old. for the next 5 months i talked to him and fell for him, not as bad as the first, but enough. i finally left my local boy and moved back with my parents. 2 months later, still dating UK man #2, he gathered some money to get me over there for 6 weeks. well… during those few weeks, i met up with UK man #1 a few times. And let me tell you, it was just as magical in person as it was online. I am in love times a MILLION with UK man #1. He’s affectionate, and cute, and fun, and loving, and our hearts just connect! We even made love in the woods. please dont call me a cheating whore, thats the first time in my life i ever cheated, but it just felt so right!! But now, i have one week left with UK man #2. i havent slept with him since i slept with #1. i dont feel right. I dont want to hurt #2 at all. he’s a great guy, and he has a 4 yr old kid. He looks a lot older tho.. he looks almost 60. really gray and wrinkly. he’s awkward in bed, and doesnt know how to raise a kid, his heigene is gross, he smells horrible, has rotted teeth, im not attracted to him at all and he is definetly not affectionate. I love him in a different way, but not the way i love #1. here’s my main dilhema. #2 asked me to marry him. I can legally come to the UK on a fiance visa and work here. but that would be using #2 so bad, and emotionally messing with his head. but i cant come to the UK to be with #1 because he doesnt have his own place or anything, or money. and i dont have money either until i start working! so there is NO way possible to get to be with the love of my life, without using or hurting someone. so what should i do? just not do it and then never be with my love? I love him so much that it hurts. my heart hurts so bad without him. i know i cant live without him. but i really dont want to use and hurt another person. plus it makes me sick to my stomach having to kiss #2 when my heart is really there for #1. I just dont know what to do. any advice might help. what on earth can i do. my heart is really hurting for #1.
@ james — its not 3 people. i dropped my local boy 100% cuz i didnt love him. i dont have a sex drive, actually im far from it. i only slept with #1 once…. and im just supposed to be in the relationship with #2 but i dont want to be. i dont want to hurt him.

I just want to be with #1. im not confused at all. I love #1 more than anything. he’s the one. the one and only true one. i just need to figure out how to be there with him forever.

If it was meant to be with guy #1, everything (with effort on both of your behalf) it will all work out smoothly. Using another person to get what you want is not right in any way. Your conscience should tell you that much. I am also from the USA, now living with my sweetheart from Holland. It took us awhile before we were able to live together in Holland. I know how much it hurts to be away from your love. But I also know how wonderful it is to be together. Do it the right way.