How to you get a man with low self esteem to do what you want?

Ok he’s waaaay too scared of getting into another close relationship. We love each other, he’s always there for me, but he has SUCH low self esteem that he’s too scared of doing anything in the relationship.
How do I get him to get over it? Get over his fear and just jump in, I’m not going to hurt him.
How do I get him to get over it? Get over his fear and just jump in, I’m not going to hurt him.
How do I get him to get over it? Get over his fear and just jump in, I’m not going to hurt him.

tell him you love him, and give him his space until he becomes a man, which means leave him to himself until he comes to you for help and advice, and just continue to remind him how much he means to you, and what you are willing to do for him, which is to leave him alone until he changes. if he chooses to stay they same, he never loved you enough to change to begin with.

How do I stay out of an abusive relationship?

I need to know how to stay away from an abusive relationship for the long term. I am okay with staying away for a little while, but then it starts to get to me and I start second guessing myself.

I am wondering if anyone has past experience on what helped them stay away from the abuser. I really don’t want this to keep happening, but sometimes I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it alone.

It is a fact that some women are drawn to abusive relationships to return over and over. This psychology is the basis of the "Great Lover" stories. It’s a well-known phenomenon.
I have heard that to break away the woman must recognise her abuse for what it is. It’s not "tough love", it’s a power trip. The men who persue this kind of relationship are not seeking a partner and companionship, but someone to own and use. This is well-known to psychiatrists, too.
The woman must establish her own self-worth in her own mind, be herself, climb outside the relationship. Her self-esteem is damaged by the abuse, physical and verbal and her confidence shaken. This is why you start doubting yourself.
Don’t do it. Be strong. Believe in yourself. Believe in the abuse. Remember it’s not an expression of love for you but for himself.
I am sure you can get one-to-one counselling to help you through this. You need and deserve support. Don’t mess about, get some help. If Google can’t do anything for you try the UK Citizens Advice Bureau. Check out the notice board in your library. You could even ask at the doctor’s.
Good Luck, be strong

Guys: What advice would you give women to understand more about how guys think?

I didn’t grow up with close relationships with men, so now that I’m trying to date them, I feel like perhaps I don’t understand guys at all.

I love how Adam is trying to speak for ALL guys…anyway a lot of guys know what they want and go out there and get it,i know plenty of guys like this but of course its because WE(me and them) have a good head on our shoulders.When you make good decisions in life and not take advice from the wrong people you get ahead and that is a fact.Some guys can be hard to read and hard to understand because they make themselves hard to understand on purpose or just have a very low IQ and don’t know how to act around women or society just in general.Me now i am easy to understand because i don’t play these baby games society teaches some people to do.I don’t follow any set of dating rules that is in all these books or on the radio,T.V. etc which i find ridiculous and appalling.You can’t treat ALL guys the same just like you can’t treat ALL women the same.I have met a lot of guys who claim all girls are the same and ive met girls who claim all guys are the same.I don’t know where they are getting this attitude from but i have met plenty of people and NONE of them seem the same to me at all,even in views about dating etc.Hun don’t try to read too much into what a guy is thinking.Just be yourself and see if he opens up to you and talks about himself.You will understand more about him as you get to know him,don’t rush into dating like other people do it’s a mistake made by people every day.If a guy is not being honest with you about who is he all you can do is move on and find someone better.I admit when i was younger i had trouble understanding girls but now that i’m 27 i know a lot more,but the thing is i don’t treat ALL girls the same because i know a lot of girls and none of them are the same.They are all sensitive which is common in SOME girls not all because i have met some girls who were not sensitive at all…they just didn’t care about life anymore or anything.Most of my female friends enjoy hearing me tell them i love them(as a friend of course) and doing sweet things for them.They are like tell me again how much you care for me.All of them love the attention i give them(i’m not saying they are desperate they just like being feeled wanted)The best thing to do is to be sweet to a guy you like and see what goes from there.As i said before it’s good not to play baby games with a guy and play hard to get all the time.Just be upfront and vivid with your details.I’m sorry i get really deep in thought about a lot of things,i’m sure not everyone agrees with my statements but i stand by with what i believe in.I wish more people would stop following these set of made up rules like a puppet on a string.Trust me though hun guys are easier to understand than you think.the ones that don’t know what they want in life you might want to just be friends and not get romantically involved with them.I’m not being mean in any way i’m just saying they might end up hurting you emotionally without meaning to because they are undecided of what to do.Get to know a small group of guys and find out things from each of them and you’ll see how most of them have different views or ideas about what they want.If you met a lot of my friends you would see they are not hard to understand because they are upfront and don’t play baby games.Get to know someone like that and you will be fine.A lucky guy someday is goind to have you in his arms and he won’t want to ever let you go.Good luck on finding the man of your dreams i wish you well.

What are the subtle warning signs that the relationship you’re in is an abusive one?

I know it become obvious when the physical abuse starts, but how is it women (and some men) not see it coming or even continue to stay after the fact?

O_O Cassie..

Here is a list of telltale warning signs that you may be in an unhealthy and abusive relationship and that in some way your partner is being abusive to you – mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually and financially:

Your partner is self-centered, rude or inconsiderate when they:

… Always expects you to answer the door or telephone.
… Always wants you to drop everything while you are "being summoned."
… Is adamant about talking to you while you are busy – while you are trying to watch television or trying to read.
… Constantly interrupts people and makes them feel unwelcome and uncomfortable in your home.
… Refuses to turn down the television or radio while you are on the phone or while other people are visiting or talking.
… Becomes angry, agitated, distant and completely unapologetic when their rude behavior is pointed out.
… Refuses to go outside to smoke when they know it bothers you and others.

Your partner is jealous of time you spend with family and friends and the help you give others when they:

… Become easily agitated and angry for spending "too much time" with friends, family, or children.
… Tell you it’s always "a bad time" for you or for them to talk to family members on the phone.
… Feel that giving help, time and energy is "wasted" if given to children.
… Become infuriated when you do favors for family and friends or give them things.
… Would rather have you throw something away than give it to someone in need.

Your partner does not respect your right to make your own decisions when they:

… Insinuate that whatever you think of feel always "affects them" and therefore you should not make a decision and that it must always be a "joint" decision.
… Cause a fight and get agitated or tell you they are disappointed in you when you don’t take their advice.
… Constantly humiliate, criticize or question whatever you do if you make a decision without their input or approval.

There are more ways here; (O_o);

??????? g?????™ ? ?

How did having a threesome effect your relationship?

Im female and Me and my fiancé have discussed it before. I’m comfortable with the idea as he said he wouldn’t want to touch the other girl, just watch and have sex with me but my only concern is how it could effect our relationship afterwards? Any advice? Thanks

My wife & I shared an open relationship for 16 years. We were both allowed to have outside partners as long as we told each other about them. We just made sure there were no emotional affairs, just sexual, and only one time with a given person. The only exception was when we brought someone home to share with our spouse.
Over the years, we had several dozen three & foursomes. Because we were both willing to let our partner experiment & even bring the experiment home for more fun, our relationship was made much stronger by being open about our desires & experiences. We both brought home men & women to share with each other & we always made sure we both pleasured our "extra" as much, if not more, as we did our spouse.
If you have a strong enough relationship to survive & even thrive on new experiences, then a threesome will not hurt it. If it isn’t strong enough, it will shatter your relationship. Sorry to say it but it will.
Think about it. If you & your fiance are not willing, in your hearts, to share, fully, with a third person then this isn’t going to work & you should keep your third in magazines, on video, or in your minds. A man who just watches his woman make love with another woman & never touches the other woman is going to develop fears that he is either with a closet lesbian who has to have a woman’s touch to really be able to enjoy sex or is just an inadequate lover. A woman who isn’t willing to share her man with another woman & enjoy watching them pleasure each other is going to worry that he might prefer someone else and that he is going to cheat on her or even break off the relationship to be with the other woman.
I suggest you & your fiance, before you bring someone else into the relationship, even for a single night, sit down & talk frankly about your sex life and what you want in it. Figure out if your goals, sexually, are compatible. Does he enjoy watching & will never touch anyone but you? Would he like to have other men come in & be with you? Would he be willing to share himself with whomever, male or female, that is brought into your sex life? Would you be willing to do the same? These kinds of things need to be discussed & decisions hammered out before you bring anyone else into your sex life. If you don’t, you risk destroying that relationship. Also, this is NOT a discussion to have naked in bed because you will never finish the conversation. Trust me on this one! LOL.

When my wife & I discussed this, we were sitting, fully clothed, at the dining room table with pens & paper to take notes & make lists. Sharing your partner with others isn’t something to go into lightly. It can be as, if not more, important than figuring out if you want to have kids or what kind of house to buy. For a lot of people this can be a total deal breaker.
In the end, we created a contract that allowed us to both have unlimited experimental options on partners outside the relationship with only a couple stipulations. One, no more than once per outside person. Two, no emotional affairs, just sex. Three, always use safe sex practices. Four, tell your partner ALL about it. The only exceptions allowed were if we brought our extra home to share with our partner. If the two of us decided, together, that we wanted the extra to stay for a while, we would allow it, but we both had to think it was a good idea or they had to go.
This arrangement worked for us for 16 years, until cancer took her last year. It has left me with a lot of great memories & I thank goodness I met her & was able to enjoy a long time with her.

What are the top 4-5 reasons men reject women for a relationship?

I’ve seen a lot of dating advice that lists for men the top reasons that a woman may have rejected him, but nothing in reverse. So guys, what are the main reasons you might reject a female for a relationship?
Thanks guys! Can’t pick just one!

1. Temper
2. Sexual Inhibitions
3. Weight
4. Health
5. Intelligence

A negative on any of these points is a deal breaker for me.

Any advice or comfort for someone in a long distance relationship?

im in a long distance relationship with a business man. we see each other about every 6-8 weeks. i have the email, webcam, phone, but still get so lonely, as he is a busy man. hes planning on moving to my city and changing careers in a few months. i dont want to lose the connection and chemistry we have. i love him very much. how do i cope with missing the man i love oh so much?

The time you spend apart will make your love grow stronger. Keep close, be open about your feelings and just think of all the positive things. NEVER think of the negative things. Count the days til you see him next not the days since you saw him 🙂

At whate age do men grow out of going out for the night?

I’m just wondering at what age do men out grow the "going out for the night" thing? I’m a home body and I believe that when I get married, I want my man to not go out to bars or clubs, because that is what single people do. Going out to the bar is something that single men like doing because they’re looking for a woman. Ya know?

men dont grow out of it in general. Its more a personality. I have lived in Hong Kong, Portugal, UK, and been in philippines a lot.

In portugal, people go to the bar regardless of age.
In UK its fairly similar,

In HK, hardly any1 drinks, very rare compared to the above.

I really dont think people grow out of it. For me, i can see myself going to bars for many years. Not because I want to meet girls, I have a girlfriend ( 3years now). But because its a relaxing chill out place. Like to go meet friends, to make friends, to just get away from things.

I think you may have a problem, possibly previous experience (victim or prey?) if i might say, but if you get married you should trust your man!

Seriously, my girlfriend is jealous, she tries to get to know everything, she calls my friends when im out with them. If she wants me home, she starts hinting to my friends that its late.
You know all these things break a relationship (but thats my problem).

TRUST is the key to everything. Ofcourse your man shouldnt be going out every night, 2 nights a week is enough and after work drinks are fine. Guys need space, some more than others.

Relationship advice, dont try and be every1 for your partner. i.e. you are not the doctor, nurse, accountant, etc for your partner.

Clubs are more for single people though, i would agree, but why not go with him. Lots of people are like that, but not for me :).

Im a barman, which is kinda weird cuz i actually am a barman (part-time, because i study) I see all ages go in.

Also, during my upbringin we always were in bars.

I dont think you can link bar/ club like you have.
but i agree slightly. on a sideways kinda basis 😛 🙂

I want to start flirting again in our relationship?

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. When we first met we started the whole myspace comments and texting and msn mega flirting and now its really nothing. I mean we do a little in our own way sometimes at home our personal…bedroom life is fine and stuff, we fight sometimes but not heaps. I just want to start the flirting again. Does anyone have any advice? How have you kept up the flirting in your relationship. Any advice will help really. Im just curious.



Welcome to the world of relationships. The beginning is always the most spontaneous – in every relationship. Most of the time, the re-spark of spontaneity is usually caused by a big fight that causes a period of time apart. However, that isn’t what you want – and also not something I’d tell you to do.

It is hard to just "start flirting again" – truly, it is. It is also a two-way street. If he is tired of it, you can’t force him to. I’d start it off, if I were you. Just send him a comment on MySpace saying something goofy or with a silly picture telling him he is sexier than a… dog on stilts? Heh, if there isn’t a picture that says that – there should be!

But really, all you can do is take the steps to resparking the fire. If it is done and he doesn’t respond to your lighter – sit down and talk about it. You seem old enough to have a rational conversation so tell him that you miss "how it used to be". Although we hate hearing it because it makes us feel like we have changed – 9 times out of 10, we try to go above and beyond to prove we aren’t boring and dull.

And for some reason, we have this undying need to make you feel like every other girl is inferior compared to you… or, well, any real man does.

Anyway, I hope it helps – even just a little. Every girl deserves to be happy – but along with being happy comes the little things; such as flirting.

How do I take my relationship to the next level?

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for three months now. Our relationship is amazing, emotionally. However, physically, it is not what I would expect. I’m her first serious boyfriend, but she is not my first serious girlfriend, so I kind of want to move upwards physically. We’ve made out and stuff, I’m just ready to introduce foreplay to the relationship, but I am scared to bring it up; I don’t want to cause any problems or discomfort in the relationship. What should I do?

best thing to do is what i did. and what i did was i talked to her about it. and after giving her the time to think about it, she told me when she was ready for the next step. like honestly, the best thing to do is to talk to your gf and listen to her thoughts and dude….. im sure as heck that itl work out. and im serious, you gota make sure you listen to her. dont be looking at her breasts and going" your all mine" look into her eyes, and LISTEN to her.

best advice i got man