Ami wrong to for resenting my husband & his love for our daughter? Advice?

I am 47 and have been married to my husband since i was 20yo, We are from & live in Italy, together we have 4 sons & 1 daughter. Our daughter is 17 and she is the apple of my husbands eye, She is a very beautiful girl & comes from a wealthy family and uses that to her advantage, She has had many boyfriends in the past & he never approved of them and they we’re terrified to get on his bad side. Part of my husbands business is named after her, She is very use to her own way and has her father wrapped around her finger, anything she ever wanted he made sure she got, My husband has always been very protective of her, If she wears a short dress to a party, as soon as he see’s it he always disapproves of it & will imtimadate any boy who chats her up, He also has a very strong personality, can be very arrogant, you could also call him obnoxious & very outspoken as he is not afraid to say what he really feels. She has decided she wants to move to the US with her friends and my husband is furious, My husband wants her to stay in Italy and eventually marry someone from her homeland, She studied in Florence last year and he was always worried about her and sending her money. Many of her friends speak english & when my husband is talking to her when her friends are there he only talks to her in italian or in general he refuses to speak to her in English. He is a very proud man and would give her the stars if he could, there is no limit to what he gives her but our daughter is very hard to be tamed & stubborn like her father and we have had arguments about her many times, Im starting to resent his love for her & am finding myself jealous of it. Advice?

First, yes you are wrong. Second, you are not the first, will not be the last, and you are far from alone in this. It is a very common thing that happens between the child and the parent of the same sex. In a way you see the child as a younger you, the you you no longer are because you have aged. You think( and it could be true to some extent) that the spouse, your spouse also sees this once upon a time version of you and is comparing it to the everyday years older mature you. You do not feel favored in this comparison, and it makes no difference if there really is any sort of comparisong going on, you simply feel that it is.

A parent can love a child, relate to the child in a way that very often they cannot do with the spouse. By its very nature the relationship is different. What you are describing here is the way many fathers treat their daughtes as they grow up to become young women. This too is very natural and indeed is a part of his job as a father.

Don’t resent this bond. Nothing you can do about it anyway. She loves you too but in a very different way. Also remember as she becomes a young woman, her father is the model for the men she will be attracted to. She will learn how to relate to men in the way she relates to her father. My advice to you would be to recognize when you are feeling jealous. Remember that your husband loves you as he always has. Also remember that very soon the girl will get married and move out and on to her own family and you can again become the center of attention. This is the real problem, not the girl so much as you miss the attention he once paid you and to see how he puts so much on his daughter is really pointing out the lack of attention that you feel. Point this out gently to your husband. Not like " Why do you spend so much time and attention on her, What about me?" that is the prelude to a fight. Say something like, "We have so little time to spend together, I want a little more" Or sometime when the kids are not around or off to bed, plan something just a little romantic or out of the ordinary for the two of you to share. Take a walk at night. Have a glass of wine before bed, in the bedroom perhaps. Exchange that Tshirt for a sexy nighty without saying anything about it. Things like this will bring more of his attention your way and you will not feel so left out, or jealous. Try it, it works. I know, I have a daughter.

4 thoughts on “Ami wrong to for resenting my husband & his love for our daughter? Advice?

  1. congrats on your long marriage.

    try to let her go and let her leave the nest

    as far as your, what you call, jealousy ? try some therapy.

    concentrate on all of your children and their needs

    she has to leave the nest at one point, and now is as good as any.

    good luck.

    peace.
    References :

  2. First, yes you are wrong. Second, you are not the first, will not be the last, and you are far from alone in this. It is a very common thing that happens between the child and the parent of the same sex. In a way you see the child as a younger you, the you you no longer are because you have aged. You think( and it could be true to some extent) that the spouse, your spouse also sees this once upon a time version of you and is comparing it to the everyday years older mature you. You do not feel favored in this comparison, and it makes no difference if there really is any sort of comparisong going on, you simply feel that it is.

    A parent can love a child, relate to the child in a way that very often they cannot do with the spouse. By its very nature the relationship is different. What you are describing here is the way many fathers treat their daughtes as they grow up to become young women. This too is very natural and indeed is a part of his job as a father.

    Don’t resent this bond. Nothing you can do about it anyway. She loves you too but in a very different way. Also remember as she becomes a young woman, her father is the model for the men she will be attracted to. She will learn how to relate to men in the way she relates to her father. My advice to you would be to recognize when you are feeling jealous. Remember that your husband loves you as he always has. Also remember that very soon the girl will get married and move out and on to her own family and you can again become the center of attention. This is the real problem, not the girl so much as you miss the attention he once paid you and to see how he puts so much on his daughter is really pointing out the lack of attention that you feel. Point this out gently to your husband. Not like " Why do you spend so much time and attention on her, What about me?" that is the prelude to a fight. Say something like, "We have so little time to spend together, I want a little more" Or sometime when the kids are not around or off to bed, plan something just a little romantic or out of the ordinary for the two of you to share. Take a walk at night. Have a glass of wine before bed, in the bedroom perhaps. Exchange that Tshirt for a sexy nighty without saying anything about it. Things like this will bring more of his attention your way and you will not feel so left out, or jealous. Try it, it works. I know, I have a daughter.
    References :

  3. How many times will you post this?

    Yes you are. A love for a spouse and a love for a child is a very different type of love.
    References :

  4. You just described a spoiled brat daughter. Your husband created a monster and guess what? One day she is going to rebel and your husband will cut her off. There, you will have no need to be jealous anymore.

    But, seriously, he is a typical Italian father to that girl. He never wants her to want for anything. He is so blinded by the way he spoils her, he has no clue that this is very damaging behavior and it really is doing her no favors. Someone like her takes no accountability because her daddy is there to get her whatever she wants. When she grows up, she will not have the tools to function as an adult and will continue to rely on money to bail her out whenever she gets in a bind, one way or another.

    I can understand that this girl consumes your husband’s attention and money. But, this will not last forever because soon enough, and I do mean soon enough, she will fly the coup and begin a life of her own away from her controlling daddy. Then, you will have him all to yourself.
    References :

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