I really wonder if I will ever feel sexually satisfied anymore. 
Its been 2.5 years after we met – we got married 1 year ago — it all went down hill and I cannot get it back. This has been this way since when we got married — almost exactly to the day. We are/were very sexual people and sex was a big, fun, deal in the beginning —- then, something changed.
I have done all that I can to try to understand why/how my relationship to sex COMPLETELY changed when I got married……..my husband said his did too – but he got "over it" after a while and says he is happy with our sex life – and our marriage in general with minor issues which he has faith we will work out.
I am not happy with my sex life AT ALL. I vascilate between two extremes —-
a. I either have so much anxiety that I cannot get horny at all when it comes down to "the moment"
or
b. I WANT to get horny but I feel like I need more help than I used to — and he isn’t giving me what I need.
I have tried everything, read books, etc. — I am not on any hormonal contraceptives, I am 35, no issues — healthy, etc.
. My kind and wonderful husband — told me politely that at this point he is so frustrated that he loves me and is tired of hearing about my issues and basically doesn’t mind masturbating alone until I figure it out.
I dont’ think he understands that HE is 1/2 the problem.
I feel like when he is with me — that he is disconnected and passionless. I feel like he will perform foreplayish things if I ask — but otherwise would rather just "stick in in".
I honestly dont’ feel like the man even WANTS to touch my breasts. And when he does — I feel now that it is totally obligatory, like he is goign down a checklist of things to do. I dont’ feel like he really enjoys my body. I have told him this — he denies it — and tells me he has no idea what else to say/do to convince me….
I frankly MISS feeling like a sex object to someone. I miss feeling like someone wants to rip my clothes off and ravage me. I feel almost like why do I want to ask for him to touch me if I honestly dont’ feel like he wants it? I feel like the only way I can have sex with my husband successfully — and really feel horny is if I watch porn or read erotic stories BEFOREHAND and then just time it when he gets home.
Is this an intimacy issue? Is it me? Is it in my head? Please someone help me — I love this man, but I have to figure this out.
Advice — help? thank you so much in advance.
I think its normal actually. Men reach their sexual peak a long time before women do. In their 20′s. While women are much later on. It sounds like he wants to work with you so maybe you should try new things to the two of you. Make him feel the need to ravage you. Sexy lingerie, toys, romantic dinners. Granted he could do his share of coming up with new ideas also. There is a lot of good info out there on renewing the ravages your looking for if you look.
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its too bad you guys give up on the intimate foreplay and the lust that goes with good sex
most marriages the sex does change for the men~ and they will like to just *stick it in* and get it over
with as long as they get their *jollies* but how would he feel if you forbid him to shoot his load ?
He would be as frustrated as you are~ just tell him to not be so dang selfish and to put some thought
into his love making
When he told you he would just go off and jerk off in private…he shows pure stupidity in saying this too
you
What real loving man would rather shoot his load down the toilet rather then in or on his wife?
But it takes all kinds~ just tell him to get back to being what you had when you got together for the first
times and when you were just married
Men sometimes can be very selfish ~ I know~ as I am a guy and am guilty of being this way in the past
with women who I could care less about
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maybe he’s gay?
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I would say theres a pretty good chance it is in your head. You seem to be attributing intention to his actions that he denies,
". . .honestly dont’ feel like the man even WANTS to touch my breasts. And when he does — I feel now that it is totally obligatory, like he is goign down a checklist of things to do. I dont’ feel like he really enjoys my body. I have told him this — he denies it — and tells me he has no idea what else to say/do to convince me…."
which can be extremely aggravating and frustrating for a man. Perhaps you weren’t ready to get married? Do you still secretly desire the freedom of a single woman – for married people, sex can become a little routine – you know each others bodies, and it’s NEVER NEW anymore. That is just a fact.
Perhaps there are other stress issues in your life (financial, work pressures, kids, time commitments) that are distracting to the sexual relationship? You are adults, you have more to do than just F*$K like bunnies. You’re not nineteen anymore. You’ve got to look at the whole picture, at all your options.
If you want to get out of the "routine", try some different things – clothing, pictures, movies, toys, role playing. Get creative. Take the initiative.
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22 years of marriage
I think its normal actually. Men reach their sexual peak a long time before women do. In their 20′s. While women are much later on. It sounds like he wants to work with you so maybe you should try new things to the two of you. Make him feel the need to ravage you. Sexy lingerie, toys, romantic dinners. Granted he could do his share of coming up with new ideas also. There is a lot of good info out there on renewing the ravages your looking for if you look.
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try some prescription-based testosterone gel.
seriously.
*minor* side effects: facial hair, oily hair, acne, aggressive.
but you will be as horny as the day is long
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.
nothing else works – thewre IS NO FEMAILE "VIAGRA" since VIGRA DOES NOT INCREASE SEX DRIVE. oysters, ground up rhino horn, all that sh*t – all stupid urban legends.
Yes, he is half the problem. Men go through stressful situations. At work, at home.
Almost every marriage goes through this. Lust can not sustain a marriage. But it sure helps.
Try something different. Something kinky. Be creative. Renew his interest.
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It does not sound like an intimacy issue, nor a problem with you. Honestly it sounds like he was performing to the standard that he felt you wanted prior tot he marriage and now that you are married he no longer needs to do this.
We hear about woman doing this type of thing to "land a man" but the reality is that men do this as well.
I doubt this is ever going to change and there is nothing that you are going to do that will change this because the problem is not with you and you have done nothing to bring on this lack of interest in him. This problem is him and I believe that he has never really been interested in sex but was able to hide that for the "courting stage" of your relationship.
My advice is to continue to encourage him to be more interested in sex but do not take it personal when he shows little interest. You also need to make sure that you do not put yourself into any situation that you can not easily get out of for at least the next 5 years. This means no children and no mortgage. If after 5 years you feel you can live with his lack of sexual interest then go ahead with the marriage, children and mortgage. If not it’s time to walk away.
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It sounds like there are two parts to this that will have to be resolved together for you both to regain a satisfying sex life.
(1) You mentioned "anxiety." It sounds like you have some mental roadblocks getting in the way of you getting turned on. Try to figure out what the sources of that anxiety might be. Is it all your husband or do you have other stressors in your life? This is something that you’ll have to work through on your end.
(2) Your husband needs to get to a point where he’s turning you on and satisfying you again. First, you need to understand and acknowledge that he’s dealing with residual frustration. He doesn’t realize that he’s part of the problem. He thinks the issues are all yours, and so he’s feeling a lot of frustration and rejection, that’s only causing your intimacy issues to get worse. He’s not going to "ravage" you when he feels rejected most of the time. Acknowledging that frustration before addressing his role in the situation will go a long way toward opening up a line of communication and stopping the bad cycle. Once you’ve done that, let him know what you need. Don’t just tell him, show him. If he tries to just "stick it in," stop him and show what you want. Take the lead (don’t set him up for failure by laying there and expecting him to figure it out), and sooner or later he’ll get the idea. Don’t give up on him if he doesn’t get it exactly right the first few times; be patient if you have to.
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I felt your pain once so I had an affair with a man that rocked my world in the bedroom.
If your situation does not change, you are an affair waiting to happen.
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Try Valium.
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