However, its a long story. I knew my husband 15 yrs before marring him a year ago. I knew my other friend the same amount of time. My friend and I have never slept together! We departed many many years ago when he moved out of state. But, we kept in touch. He married and then I. Ive been married only 1 year. My friend and I lost contact for about 2 yrs then found each other 2 months after i married. The past 8 months we have wanted to see each other. We both love our spouses but they are not out going as us. They want to stay home and do nothing. Before marriage my husband would do things, now, he just sit on the couch, pays men to cut the grass, etc. I know its a good thing my friend lives out of state because if not I would we would be together. We are so much alike and we care for each other alot. This is not a fling but a very sticky situation. Im scared to see him, and I am scared not too. I am not happy in my marriage, not because of him but because I feel held back in life. I think that if I dont see my friend I may loose the one man I have been thinking of all these years. He feels the same. We chat and call each other and I know this is not a lust thing. Its what we both want but we dont want to hurt our spouses either. What would you guys do??
We have no children..I love my husband but not in love with him. He is a great man but I think I jumped into it without thinking things over. Again, I love to be outdoors, etc and he wants nothing to do with it. I am always alone and get tired of people asking wheres he is. I feel like I have a husband in the house and not outside, My friend is the same outdoor person as me. I dont feel its an emotional roller coaster im on because this has been going on for years. We just got seperated, he got married, I stepped back, we lost contact, then I got married, later we found each other again and we are scared to lose each other again..
You have to ask yourself, "do I REALLY love my husband?" If your answer to yourself is YES, stay with him and work on the marraige. If your answer is something like, "I love him, but I’m not in love with him." Then you have to do what’s best for everyone and end it. Hopefully if your answer is the second one, you don’t have kids with your husband.
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You have to choose. This guy or your husband. Only you can decide. So once you pick, you have to totally drop the other.
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No offense but your story here sounds like you are too immature to even be in a relationship. You want to have your cake and eat it too. There’s no possible way to be in love with two different people. It doesnt happen. I think in your situation you’ve been through the marriage thing for a little while and the excitement has died down. Actually, you should be in a honeymoon phase if you’ve only been married a year. Sounds like to me you werent ready to get married or be faithful to your husband. The fact that this other man is interested in you as well and that he is married…you’re treading in some dangerous waters. You’re already hurting both of your spouses by even maintaining a secrecy of communication between the two. Stop it. End it all now before you hurt your husband and the relationship of another woman. This situation you are in is very immature and disrespectful on so many levels.
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You are either in love with one person or NEITHER. Perhaps you are just seeing things through rose-colored glasses.
What you should do is be as outgoing as you want to be. The only problem you state with your marriage is that you feel "held back," but you don’t say anything your husband is doing that’s holding you back. So, figure out what you want to do, and do it. Your husband doesn’t have to go along with you everywhere in order for you to do things you want to do, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll start feeling happier in your marriage. Once you attain the assertiveness and joy you so badly are missing in your life, your crush on this other man will fade away.
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It is a sticky situation to say the least!!! Maybe an annulment? If things are not going like you expected and you want out that maybe an option for you. I think it sounds like you need to get out of your current relationship if you feel that way. Either way, someone is going to be hurt:( Follow your heart. Dont waste your time feeling like you are being held back and unhappy its only going to lead to resentment and in the end divorce. Good Luck.
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You have to ask yourself, "do I REALLY love my husband?" If your answer to yourself is YES, stay with him and work on the marraige. If your answer is something like, "I love him, but I’m not in love with him." Then you have to do what’s best for everyone and end it. Hopefully if your answer is the second one, you don’t have kids with your husband.
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know someone in a very similar situation
Wow, it sounds like a road I went down several years ago with my wife. I too had a very close friend that I admired very much. Unfortunately, I went into the military, we lost contact for several years and when I was back home after about a year, I got married. Soon after that I was in contact with her. We ended up going out to dinner one night and almost went that extra mile, however, we both stopped ourselves and promised that if we were going to do that, then we were going to have to be honest with our spouses and make the necessary changes. To cheat on your spouse would only lead to another skeleton in the closest that could be much more devastating. You and your friend need to come to reality. You are both married, and hopefully for a very good reason. If not, change it. Life is too short to be miserable.
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Have you ever heard of an emotional affair? Because you are having one. Everybody always says "we’re just friend" but does your husband know how much you talk to him and how you feel about him? I didn’t think so. You need to let go of this "friend" because you took vows with your husband. Work on your marriage and talk with your husband. Go to counseling. Everybody divorces to easily these days because don’t want to work at it. It’s only worth it if you work on it.
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You must decide, I know how you feel because I think about someone I knew a few years ago. I wish I have never lost contact. I say go for it before it passes you by!!!
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I don’t have any advice but just support.
I’m going through a similar situation…still love my ex bf from high school days but unhappily married to another man. My husband has changed & lied too much for me to continue to deal with.
I did see my ex bf after 9 years of no contact & it made me realize that I could be happy again. I’m trying to wait until I’m divorced from the hubby before I do anything with the ex-bf but it’s hard because I know that I’m in love with him. He feels the same too & he actually wants to wait cuz he doesn’t want to screw anything up with me.
Hopefully we’ll both have happy endings.
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in the same boat.
You are flirting with danger. The grass looks greener on the other side because you are not there. If you and the other guy liked each other so much, you would have gotten together long ago. Both of you are obviously bored in your marriages. Return your focus on your own husband and marriage and try expressing to him what issues you are having. Take the time to work it out with him FIRST before jumping ship. I believe you can be happy in your marriage if you put your time and energy there, instead of on someone else’s husband. Don’t forget, he married the other woman first yet he knew you for 15 years prior. That should say something. Don’t gamble on this one.
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