Dating expert and advice columnist Deborrah Cooper addresses a readers question on a shocking new trend. What is up with Black men refusing to marry – unless their potential bride agrees to an open marriage that is!
Duration : 0:7:41
The Game Has Changed!
17
Aug
Dating expert and advice columnist Deborrah Cooper addresses a readers question on a shocking new trend. What is up with Black men refusing to marry – unless their potential bride agrees to an open marriage that is!
Duration : 0:7:41
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26 users responded in this post
I saw a clip of …
I saw a clip of this Kenya K women and her Hubby on this show with Monique. ALL OF THEM ARE BRAINTRASHED because they want to be “relationship experts” for someone else. If this works for them, great but dont act as if it is the best alternative for the “man who just cant stay faithful to one women”
Someone would have to prove to me the BENEFITS of this marriage. relationships are OPEN now, if we look at it for what it is..lol
@SightseerLounge “I …
@SightseerLounge “I can barely watch MTV cribs! ”
I don’t watch reality TV period! I’m not big on watching tv at all really, I’d much rather read, listen and/or play music, get out and do things in life. TV zaps your brain cells imo. lol. Still you make an interesting point. TV as we know it has everyone wanting their 15 minutes of fame. Reality TV with shows like MTV cribs and others where ‘regular’ folks do anything to get famous has skewed the minds of singles everywhere and it’s sad.
@SightseerLounge …
@SightseerLounge understood. You right western ways have corrupted not only ourselves, but the rest of the country as well. I wouldn’t dare give them credit either, especially in how their outlook on relationships. You right people are weird…lol
@popolodude Those …
@popolodude Those mansions and the money they spend is an insult to me. I can barely watch MTV cribs! A family of black people, who don’t have all of the hangups, has to work everyday, while they show off their “bling!”
All of the rumored, sex parties, that go on between these celebs is just conformation that they are not happy. When their “open marriages” fail, what will they do? Even with Will going to men, and Jada seeing women, they still don’t get that rush. WOW! People are weird!
@popolodude Yes, TV …
@popolodude Yes, TV is everywhere. Everyone can’t be Brad & Angelina, or Will & Jada. Their relationships must not be too good, or they wouldn’t be opting for “open marriages!” Then again, I’m tired of giving white people too much credit. Even with the tumultuous history of the Western Hemisphere, I hate even giving them credit for “our downfall!” Every time I say “da whiteman,” it just sounds like I’m defeated. I’m still giving them energy.
Its because we have …
Its because we have adopted the ways of white celebrities to some extent. We have become weird. I don’t even know Black people for the most part anymore.
@jianniestrong i …
@jianniestrong i think it always will.
@SightseerLounge ” …
@SightseerLounge “If the person wanting the open relationship mentioned it to the other person when they first start talking, and that person agreed (maybe reluctantly) then that person should accept..”
“IF” this person was upfront about it. But how often are people upfront in situations like this? People should communicate before feelings get too deep about commitment and fidelity in a relationship so everyone can be on the same page or walk away before they’re too emotionally attached.
@skypurple15 Purple …
@skypurple15 Purple, there’s only an argument if the man wanted a harem of women at his side. There are communities for that type of activity if they truly want that type of free sex. (Personally, I think that’s why some cats go to jail, I’ve, literally, seen it! Same thing with late night basketball games & gyms! Hahaha!) If that’s the case, then, you’re right: “…they can’t win this argument.”
@nancydrew5 If …
@nancydrew5 If someone, male or female, wants to be in a monogamous relationship, there shouldn’t be an open relationship. That is misleading because that person thought it was just going to be the two of them in that relationship. If the person wanting the open relationship mentioned it to the other person when they first start talking, and that person agreed (maybe reluctantly) then that person should accept what they’ve done and leave before real damage is done!
Great video, I …
Great video, I think it goes by individual cases to. But I would say having a open marriage could potentially lead to divorce.
seriously they …
seriously they can’t win this argument.
Interesting guys …
Interesting guys have nothing to say on the topic, but the minute they think their so called ‘character’ is called into question, here they come ready to defend ‘their character, while still avoiding the video topic of discussion’. …sigh’.
@SightseerLounge ” …
@SightseerLounge “The institution of marriage won’t save black people!”
Who said that the institution of marriage was designed to save black people? Where are you coming from with that ‘talk’?
@SightseerLounge ” …
@SightseerLounge “If I say what you want to hear about about “commitment, monogamy, and fidelity,” would you believe me?”
It’s not a matter of ‘saying what I want you to say hear’ or believe. You jcomment on what is in your heart and mind regarding fidelity and committment and marriage. Instead you’re so busy worried about what ‘I think’ me a stranger you don’t even know, that you can’t even comment on the topic, instead you make excuses and try to flip it off on me instead of looking at you.
@SightseerLounge ” …
@SightseerLounge ” If I say what you want to hear about about “commitment, monogamy, and fidelity,” would you believe me? Would you think I was a punk for trying to butter you up? LOL!”
Aah I see, so this is why guys don’t talk, they are too busy saving face worried about what someone might think of them. Rather than just speak what is on their mind, when it comes to matters of this topic, they are to scared worried abvout their ‘image’ worried they might look like a punk. Interesting & sad.
@nancydrew5 Human …
@nancydrew5 Human nature is painful, isn’t it! Even if we come up with strict standards of commitment, someone might break them. The institution of marriage won’t save black people! If it did, then marriage would be outlawed and we wouldn’t be allowed to have it! Who are these “on point” guys?
Just a little sumthin’ 4 ya: If I say what you want to hear about about “commitment, monogamy, and fidelity,” would you believe me? Would you think I was a punk for trying to butter you up? LOL!
@truthbewoman Why …
@truthbewoman Why does a commitment have to equal “marriage”? Ceremonies, licenses, flowers… Why can’t two people just be together without the ceremony? That just puts a strain on people that shouldn’t be there. If two people are friends and they wan’t to be best friends, they will just be best friends. There will be no “friendship celebration ceremony” to bring forth the new best friendship!
Interesting, not …
Interesting, not one comment from the men at all…. wonder why? Shouldn’t all these so called ‘on point’ ready to lead’ educated, successful men be all up in this thread commenting? They are the main ones talking about who they want to ‘wife up’ and who they feel are qualified to ‘wife up’. But when we start asking ‘certain questions’ we hear ‘crickets’ from the men on subjects dealing with their ideas of Commitment, monogamy, fidelity, and what they actually think about that. wonder why?
As long as it goes …
As long as it goes both ways, a man can have something on a side and so cana his woman.
@Debsterism “But if …
@Debsterism “But if someone is building an “out” into their relationship with you right from the get-go, how can you confuse that with commitment ?”
Different strokes for different folks. Bill and Hillary Clinton obviously have an ‘open marriage’. For some people ‘committment’ could mean committment to the partnership with stipulations that some aspects of it is negotiable. Such as fidelity is not a dealbreaker to their committment of the marriage. Personally I wouldn’t want that.
@truthbewoman – …
@truthbewoman – Like I said in the video, that is an individual thing. You have to decide if monogamy or fidelity is important to you. If not, then there is not an issue at all. But if someone is building an “out” into their relationship with you right from the get-go, how can you confuse that with commitment ?
Why does a …
Why does a commitment have to equate to monogamy?
Once you decide to …
Once you decide to get married, Sex with your partner is not just a physical act. For a committed couple, sex is (or should be) a physical, mental, and emotional act. Yes it’s done for pleasure, but it’s also the place where a couple can build and develop true intimacy. A place reserved only for the two of you to do things and talk about things that you can nowhere else. A place that should be relaxed and comfortable for both people involved. It is a ‘tool’ to reinforce bonding and love.
You said the same …
You said the same thing Ive said many times: I dont see the point in calling it marriage if you say you want an “open marriage” and if thats not what you want, walk away.
I wish I could write like you as Margaret Laurence once said “When I say “work” I only mean writing. Everything else is just odd jobs.”
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