What advice can you give me as to how I can keep things in perspective?

I lose perspective over silly silly things so often. I get myself in twists over really ridiculous things – often within my relationship, because I suppose I feel I have the most to lose. For example, I’m currently stressing over my boyfriend bumping into a girl I dislike intensely. He will see her this evening – not intentionally, she will just be where he is going. I get so wound up and just want to howl! HOW do I STOP thinking this way and just accept things???! This is not the only example – there are many many things that I get out of perspective almost every day. It’s getting hard. I feel like I’m running in water and getting nowhere.

Anyone have any pointers reorganising my thought process? I’m on a CBT waiting list so this isn’t currently an option.
I can be possessive, but not with all girls. Just two girls that drive me bonkers because I find them threatening. Not cos hey look nice or play nice, but because they’re manipulative. I just hate these two girls – as individuals, not cos I’m jealous or anything. Which I suppose I am a little. But that’s a totally different issue – I’m always going to have these negative feelings for these girls because I don’t like the way they behave, but it’s about keeping it all in perspective. It’s not like my guy wants to see this girl, he just can’t avoid her. But it drives me up the wall =(
answerer 3 – I see your point, and I know I must sound self indulgent comparatively. Perhaps I shouldn’t have included the example, it was possibly not a good one to use. I KNOW it is totally innocent…that’s not actually the point. And I’m volunteering in a prison workshop scheme this semester, so I’m gaining an insight. But it doesn’t really help me keep things in perspective when I’m bogged down with it all. Yes, I’m very selfish. I’m just trying to muddle through.
answer 4 – I know I can’t control it…I wasn’t aware I was trying to? You say I need to focus on controlling my own behaviour not my boyfriends…I believe I AM trying to control my own behaviour, hence the question! I appreciate advice but sometimes people just get it so wrong and start saying some cold things without actually reading the details. I’m not an idiot – I’m not trying to control my bf, nor did I give any reason for you to think that. I am trying to control my own behaviour – why do you think I asked the Q in the first place? Again, I do appreciate input, but not input that accuses me of being controlling and immature or naive. I’m neither. Sorry to sound defensive.
answer 4 – I know I can’t control it…I wasn’t aware I was trying to? You say I need to focus on controlling my own behaviour not my boyfriends…I believe I AM trying to control my own behaviour, hence the question! I appreciate advice but sometimes people just get it so wrong and start saying some cold things without actually reading the details. I’m not an idiot – I’m not trying to control my bf, nor did I give any reason for you to think that. I am trying to control my own behaviour – why do you think I asked the Q in the first place? Again, I do appreciate input, but not input that accuses me of being controlling and immature or naive. I’m neither. Sorry to sound defensive.

Break things down into manageable portions and focus on one thing at a time. And if something goes wrong, look at the setback as temporary and think of HOW you could solve the problem using the above small pieces method.

As to the other chick, I was possessive of my boy too until I knew I could trust him. Your feelings are normal, so don’t obsess over them and have a little faith in your man.

4 thoughts on “What advice can you give me as to how I can keep things in perspective?

  1. Break things down into manageable portions and focus on one thing at a time. And if something goes wrong, look at the setback as temporary and think of HOW you could solve the problem using the above small pieces method.

    As to the other chick, I was possessive of my boy too until I knew I could trust him. Your feelings are normal, so don’t obsess over them and have a little faith in your man.
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  2. Thats a good start!!!

    when you get in a situation like that just stop and try to think in 3rd person. Like pretend your situation is a friends what advice would you give them? and then take your own advice. Its easier to give advice to others but never urself so i find thinking in 3rd person often helps me make a rational decision.
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  3. After spending four months living in poverty stricken peru working at an orphanage, i feel that i will never again think pety things are as important as i previously thought. All these people have no hot water, some have no running water, they are malnourished and ignored by their government. i won’t go into any more detail here, however, i think that by paying attention to issues such as these, your problems will seem less like the end of the world. Think about how you feel when your boyfriend runs into a girl you dislike (which may be totally innocent) and then think about how you would feel watching your child slowly starve to death because there is no water to support crop growth. i know this is extreme, but maybe volunteering at a local center for children or animals or whatever else you might be interested in will help bring some happiness to your life. Even a little thing like doing a beach or park clean-up can make you feel good.
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  4. I am assuming you are fairly young, one thing most young people have to learn is they cant control other people, in fact in reality you cant control anything other than your own behavior.

    If it were otherwise you would be walking through life carrying a bull horn and yelling "cut" everytime you didnt like what was going on. Can you imagine how ridiculous an idea that is?

    You should be concentrating on controlling your behavior and reactions to situations instead of your BF and friends. Clearly it IS an issue or you wouldnt be on a CBT waiting list.

    Find things to do to distract you and occupy your mind. Consciously STOP thinking about it, when you start to, tell yourself you are going to think about all the reasons you like cats instead. Or whatever.

    Take control of your mind, dont let it control you like a run away train. You do have the power to put on the brakes, you just need to to start using it.
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